Kristina Lunde

The Lord is my strength and my song.
Psalm 118:14a

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August 1, 2018 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

The Move: A Mom’s Reflections on Boxes and Stuff

Boxes. Clothes. Stuff. First-world problems of too much stuff in the basement. Boxes of my children’s stuff: school memories, projects, photo albums, and yearbooks. A trumpet, music stand, and tennis racket in the corner. Clothes, costumes, and uniforms on a hanging rod, long neglected and outdated. Former extracurricular pursuits, now abandoned for a focus on college classes and career preparation.

Not only my children’s boxes, but boxes of stuff belonging to my husband and me. Plus memorabilia from deceased relatives. I am the keeper of family mementos, my house the repository of family history. My parents’ photo albums, dating back to the 1930s. Super 8 mm movies from the 1960s-1970s in their metal tins with a matching movie projector. Prom pictures from the 70s, photos, souvenirs, and clothing from my late husband’s life, stored for my children to sort through some day. More stuff in labeled boxes.

Hours spent sorting, donating, and re-packing the stuff. Carloads of boxes and items donated. Boxes and more stuff, memory after stored memory, lugged out of the basement, out of the house.

Not many memories from the room itself: a few projects completed and a water softener that ate large bags of salt. The heady stench of marker and the ripping noise of packing tape ceased; the empty room awaited only cleaning before the move. I noticed the smell of moisture from the concrete basement floor. My California daughter used to correlate that smell of humidity with her Midwestern grandmother’s house. “It smells like Oma’s basement.” How quickly that became our own overlooked basement smell once we moved to Minnesota.

Swish, swish. The sound of the broom clearing the last of the room. A residual of dust and bugs where life and memories had been stored.

And then I saw the vertical wooden column upon which I had tallied my children’s growth. Dates, ages, and initials of both kids, their growth verified on the upright framing. The 2 by 4 stood sentry next to a big black plumbing pipe, both essential to the house structure. I snapped a photo and took only memories along with me.

The newly-cleaned basement and house seemed lonely. No kid shrieks or laughter; no youthful energy inside. Gone were the door slams from frustrated teenagers. No kids racing downstairs as I trudged up with box after box. From solid concrete to soft carpet, stuff traveled up the stairs, out the door, and onto the trailer.

Slosh, slosh. The mop diffused a clean smell. A sanitized room awaited the home buyer.

Goodbye home. Goodbye to the place where my children laughed, played, and grew. And grew. And grew. And then they launched.

Thank you, Lord, for your provision and protection as we grew and made memories in our wonderful home. Please bless the new owners.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: boxes, empty nest, mothering, moving, parenting, stuff, teenagers, widow

November 19, 2016 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Letter to a New Widower

Dear B___,

Thinking about you today and praying that God will be with you every step of this new journey through grief as a widower. I pray that God will be with you in all the tough realities you face today:

Photo credit: Pixabay CCO
Photo credit: Pixabay CCO

Waking up to an empty room with the big hospital bed gone. A painful routine it has been, with that big hospital bed and the adjustment to E____’s decreasing strength as she stayed in bed longer and longer. But you adjusted, and you worked so hard to keep her spirits up and her body working as she lay in that bed. May God give you the assurance that you did everything possible to help E____.

Your main job is finished. You washed and lifted, carried and helped. You served her with such love and care, offering an intimacy that spoke volumes of love and support as she wrestled emotionally with letting you do things for her. May God let you know that you did His work in amazing ways. Now it is time to rest, grieve, and let God comfort you.

Coming home with to the empty house. Maybe you listened for noises of her breathing—even those snoring respirations would be a comfort right now. There are no more visits from the caring hospice staff. I pray that God will ease the quiet and give you His comforting peace.

Seeing reminders of her everywhere. My prayer is that you see more and more of the precious reminders and less of the hospital accessories that remind you of E____’s illness. May God refresh your sweet memories of E____ as He eases the reminders of her suffering.

Thank you for loving E____ and being such a great husband to her. You were her humor, strength, and caretaker. What an incredible blessing you were to her as she faced the cancer!

Praying for you.

P.S. Check out www.griefshare.org to sign up for daily emails of encouragement and comfort as you grieve.

Filed Under: Grief, Letter Tagged With: cancer, grief, hospice, letter, terminally ill, widow

August 20, 2016 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Frozen in Time: A Widow’s Final Goodbye

1999 Avalanche Disaster

In October of 1999, forty year old mountain climber Alex Lowe and twenty-nine year old expedition cameraman David Bridges died in a Himalayan avalanche. Along with fellow alpinist Conrad Anker, they set out that morning to analyze the south face of Shishapangma, a Tibetan peak. Six other expedition members, farther back from the three scouts in the lead, were spared the sudden, crashing torrent of ice and snow. Seriously wounded and partially buried, Conrad pulled himself out of the avalanche’s aftermath and participated in the desperate, but ultimately futile, two day search for Alex and David.

Back in Montana, Alex’s widow Jenni had only verbal reports, along with her own climber’s instinct and intuition, to confirm her husband’s mortality. No physical proof of a life ended. No lifeless body to authenticate the finality of death. No tangible validation of a life ended and grief begun.

Shock. Explaining to three young children, family, loved ones. Grief. Mourning. All without a body to say goodbye to. Etching, scraping, and climbing through grief and loss to survive. Adjusting to a family that was tragically minus one. Preserving a father’s love and legacy.

Jenni and her boys were later joined by new husband and stepfather Conrad Anker. Bound by the pain of Alex’s loss, they built a new family together over the months, years, and decade-plus that passed.

2016 Mournful Recovery

Sixteen years later, in April of 2016, came the chance for a final goodbye in the flesh, after Alex’s and David’s bodies were found on the mountain.

Bodies preserved, long after lives were lost to a frigid end. Lives claimed by the mountain, now brought to the surface by glacial melt. A potential grief ambush of torrential proportions revealed by the sun’s light. The emotional trauma of facing the proof of a life vanished, the irrefutable evidence of widowhood, and the harsh reality of all that was lost.

Ice melted. Grief revisited. Goodbyes offered. Mourning renewed. Time to review, admire, and remember both Alex’s and David’s lives. An opportunity to mentally journey back and reflect honor on husband, father, friend, and climber.

Widow to Widow

Dear Jenni Lowe-Anker,
May God give you His strength and comfort as you face this mountain. May the melting ice give way to precious memories, love remembered, and a husband honored. May your grief be less about ambush and more about resolution. I pray that this reviewal will refresh your family’s precious memories of Alex. May the light of God’s son bring peace and closure, rest and nostalgia, hope and renewal. I pray that your widow’s heart not be torn, but instead that your love for Alex will be celebrated and commemorated, even as you continue on with the love of the second half of your life.

Prayers for God’s blessings on you and your family.
Kristina Lunde, a fellow pilgrim on the journey through grief

Filed Under: Grief Tagged With: Alex Lowe, grief, Jenni Lowe-Anker, widow

September 28, 2015 by Kristina Lunde 1,172 Comments

Ten Year Sadiversary

Dearest Lee,

Ten years ago today, our lives changed forever.

Ten years ago today, I did CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) on you after you slumped over. I watched paramedics work on you, move you out of the house on a gurney, and take you to the hospital. The medical staff was unable to revive you after trying everything, and you were pronounced dead on January 7, 2005. Both of our lives split off in different directions after your sudden heart attack – yours celestial, mine earthly – in a separation neither of us chose.

The ten year sadiversary.

Never thought I would make it one week without you, let alone one decade. Now it seems like multiple decades, at least a lifetime ago. You were my husband, my parenting partner, the love of my life.

Our mighty God pulled me up out of the mire of grief and pain, and set me on the rock – just like Psalm 40:1-3 describes. God helped me rely on THE rock – the stable rock of His Word, His character – the rock of who He is.

Like Psalm 40:3 says, “He put a new song in my mouth.” Yes, I am singing and joyful again, although widowhood was a painful adjustment. It’s a long story — two books actually. I have no idea if God let you see the process; I just hope that you missed the awful part of our grief and mourning. The three of us love you so much; it took a long time and lots of help to adjust to losing you so suddenly.

Single, or only parenting as widowed people call it, was tough. I did my best, but it was not a smooth journey. (Hopefully, God did not show you all of that, either.) God helped me every step of the way; His comfort and guidance brought me back to living life again.

Do you know that I remarried seven years after you died? Who would think of having two husbands in one lifetime?! Very different, but I am grateful to God for the blessing of new love. You were the love of the first half of my life; Craig is the love of the second half of my life. Sometimes I am surprised that my life is so similar: loving my husband (OK, it’s a different husband, but it’s what I do) and family,  nurturing my kids, and volunteering in my church and community. I start my day in God’s Word and maintain similar priorities as before you died.

Except for the parenting stuff, that is. Our kids (seems strange to call them “our” kids after the painful adjustment to “my” kids) do their own homework, driving, and activities now. You would be so proud of them – but you wouldn’t recognize them as teenagers! They have changed so much and are well on their way to becoming incredible, unique adults. Craig is God’s gift to help me deal with teenagers;  he inspires me to be a much better parent than I was alone. I have adjusted to, and really appreciate, my new parenting partner.

Please do me a favor and thank Jesus personally for His death on the cross. What a gift that is to all of us! (I suppose that you never take that for granted up there.) Also, please thank God for the comfort and healing He gave me. What a turnaround God led me through after that horrible night ten years ago. . .

Maybe I’ll tell you all about it some celestial day.

[Originally posted January 2015]

Filed Under: Grief Tagged With: grief, letter, sadiversary, single parenting, widow

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