grief Archives - Kristina Lunde

March 30, 2025 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Writing a Children’s Book on Death and Grief

A children’s book about grief. That’s what I wanted for my six and eight year-old children when their father—my husband—died twenty years ago. How could I explain the absence of their father and the permanence of his death? Living that grievous reality, how could I emphasize the truth of Jesus Christ and our hope of heaven? I talked about these concepts with my children and we read different books, especially the Bible. But heaven seemed a long way off after our beloved Daddy suddenly disappeared from everyday life.

My soon-to-be-released book, Henry the Heron Teaches me About Grief, presents truths about death, grief, and faith in Jesus. I wrote this picture book for grieving children—and for the adults who love them. The book relays the story through Abigail Porter’s heartwarming illustrations. Whimsical visual details provide ideas for conversation starters. The illustrations offer opportunities to either lighten the topic or discuss it further, when the child is ready.

Dying is not a fun or easy topic for a children’s book. Even with playful illustrations, a book on death can be challenging to present at a child’s level. The facts about death need to be presented in straightforward language appropriate for the child’s level of development. The finality of death is difficult for children to understand. Children, and likewise adults, need time to recognize and mourn the absence of their deceased loved one.

Biblical truths can help children better understand life and death. God’s Word presents the most important truth about life: salvation is found in Jesus alone (Romans 10:9). With that foundation, children can accept God’s promise of eternal life for those who believe in Jesus (John 3:16). Eternal life is the outcome of knowing the one true God and believing in His son Jesus Christ (John 17:3). The earthly physical death we all face as humans is a tough reality check, even for adults. As believers in Christ, we hold onto the certainty of eternal life after our earthly death (1 John 5:11-12).

A children’s book that addresses death needs to address grief, the feelings that come after a loved one dies. In processing grief, both children and adults may experience a variety of emotions. Children may describe it as actual pain. Crying, feeling bad, and wondering how long grief lasts are common aspects of grief. Funerals, mourning rituals, and conversations provide opportunities to honor and remember the deceased loved one. When and if children are ready, involve them in these activities to help them process their grief. Adults can role-model how reminiscing about a loved one can be both sad and comforting.

Although I did find some good children’s grief books, I finally wrote the book that I would have wanted. My idea started when I saw a great blue heron along the upper headwaters of the Mississippi River. I enjoyed seeing him in our area all summer long. In fall, I realized that the heron had migrated.

After much thought, I wrote a story that centers on this metaphor from God’s creation. Together, the heron’s migration and his inevitable return parallel how believers in Christ will see each other in heaven. The certainty of God’s created order demonstrates this concept of reunion. My story shows a boy’s progress through grief as he recognizes truths about death in God’s creation. I pray that God uses this book to comfort grieving children—and the adults who love them.

January 7, 2025 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Sadiversary Book Launch: God’s Comfort in Grief

God’s Comfort in Grief by Kristina Lunde

Announcing my new book entitled God’s Comfort in Grief: Meditations for the Newly Widowed. I celebrate the launch of my book even as I commemorate the twenty-year sadiversary of my husband Lee’s death. My grief relief came from the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). For that, I am so thankful—and motivated to share God’s grief relief in my speaking and writing.

This is the book I needed after Lee died. Early on, I cried through my days and didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with life. The trauma of performing CPR on my husband and seeing him die before my eyes impacted everything. My basic life skills, and of course my executive functioning skills, disappeared. Simple tasks, like combing my hair and feeding my children, overwhelmed my incapacitated brain. In those first weeks and months after Lee died, my mind could not focus. I wanted a short easy-to-read book that prioritized God’s comfort while giving me grieving help and practical advice.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV

So I have finally published the book that I needed back in that newly widowed phase of my life. My memoirs tell the story (My River of Sorrow: A Widow’s Journey with God and Memorial Stones: Reflections from My River of Sorrow), but this new book describes early widowed grief and focuses on God’s promises. Each short chapter includes a Bible verse for comfort, an anecdote for connection, and grief-processing ideas for consideration.

When I write sympathy cards, I include encouraging Bible verses and grief processing concepts. For widows or widowers, I include a letter from my blogpost (Note: the blogpost content is relevant for any widowed person, although I use the term widow instead of widow/widower). Now, I can communicate that content—and much more—by gifting this small book. My hope is for grieving people to draw closer to the God of all comfort as they adjust to widowhood.

My Prayer

Lord God, you know exactly how to comfort widows and widowers, just like you uniquely comforted me. Oh Jesus, speak your truth and redemption into the lives of all who seek you in their grief. Help them process their sorrow and individual challenges as they grieve. Father God, pour your compassion and comfort into grieving hearts in miraculous ways, as only you can.

Dear Lord, twenty years ago, you picked up this distraught widow from her puddle of tears. Your love and comfort changed me into a functioning single parent. Through the years, you have rebuilt my life and given me a future I never imagined. Thank you, Lord, that I feel more nostalgia about Lee and gratitude to you rather than pain at this sadiversary. Only a mighty healing God like you can accomplish that miracle, and I am grateful. Please keep working miraculous grief relief in people’s lives, just like you have done for me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

November 30, 2023 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

God’s Hope During Grief

HOPE. Four letters in an order that I could not relate to. Not after my husband Lee died. Not after I became an only parent of our two young children. How could I have hope? My partner in life, parenting, adventuring, and joy for over two decades had suddenly died. What could I hope for?!

My mother-in-law sent me those specific four letters—HOPE—on a wrought iron plaque. Too heavy. Too much to expect. So far from the depths of grief that weighed me down. Physically, logistically, and emotionally—I could not face a proclamation of hope, the issues that took priority over hope, or the grief that drowned my hope. HOPE the concept seemed impossible. But HOPE the plaque was an elegant piece with four serif caps resting on artistic swirls.

I looked at the plaque and remembered Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The next two verses describe a strategy I had already used in my grief: “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart,” Jeremiah 29:12-13. Hope was more than I could muster on my own, but I decided that God could be trusted to have hope for me.

Although my resources felt depleted by grief, I knew God’s love and power could give me hope. So I hung that plaque on my kitchen wall, across from my morning Bible-reading spot. God’s hope and emotional healing did not come quickly, nor did my grief disappear. Those four letters stared me in the face every day, reminding me to trust God for hope. And I did: slowly, verse by verse, and prayer by prayer. I cracked my Bible daily, completed my study lessons, and prayed to the source of my comfort and hope. And God answered—in His way and in His timing.

After experiencing God’s hope and comfort through grief, I now have the privilege of praying for others. When I pray for people in need of hope, I again go to God’s Word for insight:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Not only does God give hope, but He provides comfort, joy, and peace beyond what we can imagine. God did that for me all the way through my grief and sorrow. (For the full story, see my memoir and sequel.) I have experienced these gifts from God, and I challenge you to ask God for them, too. May the God of hope give you overflowing hope, joy, and peace as you trust in Him through your pain.

October 18, 2023 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Three Funerals, Three Churches, One God

Not for a romantic weekend or vacation getaway, but my husband and I recently drove over three hours to spend two days attending funerals. The three funerals at three different churches honored one God as they remembered the lives of three amazing Christians. As unique as each person was, so were their celebrations of life. Although different in style and content, each pastor’s message focused on Jesus.

The pastor at the first funeral was a personal friend of the pastor’s wife who had died. He gave a unique message that included many quotes from the deceased woman herself. L and her husband had previously completed plans for their funeral services. She had written a message for friends and family to be read after her death. After she explained the most important decision of her life—to accept Jesus as her Savior at age nine—she encouraged everyone to do the same. The pastor described the difference Jesus made in L’s choices of “worship instead of worry, prayer instead of panic, and faith instead of fear.” Presented after her death, L’s heartfelt personal message resonated with those gathered for the service.

At the second funeral we attended that day, the pastor spoke about the deceased man’s legacy. D had a list of noble accomplishments: caretaker for his first wife who died of a debilitating disease, loyal husband to both wives, and loving father and grandfather. After some humorous anecdotes, the pastor focused on D’s most important legacy as a Christian. Reading Bible passages from Romans, the pastor presented why and how to follow Jesus. When D’s two children sang a beautiful duet about going home, the song reinforced that D had gone home to be with Jesus in heaven.

The next day’s funeral focused on a 98-year-old man who had lived a full life and died suddenly. J loved God and his family, a lifestyle that everyone around him recognized and respected. The funeral sermon was an expository teaching on John 21, when Jesus appeared to His disciples after the resurrection. Out on a boat in the water, the disciples had fished all night but caught nothing. Jesus yelled from the shore, instructing them to put their nets out one more time. Then He blessed them with a miracle. The disciples caught so many fish that they could not haul the net back into the boat. Realizing that it was Jesus on the shore, Peter jumped into the water. The pastor pointed out that, unlike most fishermen, Peter turned his back on the catch of his life and pursued Jesus as his priority.

How meaningful to share in these funerals and the assurance of eternal life for each of these three precious people! Despite the sorrow experienced by grieving family and friends, each service honored God and presented the truth of Jesus Christ. What a blessing to grieve with hope and to know that eternal life awaits those who believe in Jesus.

September 30, 2023 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

A Sadiversary Grief Pilgrimage

A sadiversary grief pilgrimage. What is it? A sadiversary is the anniversary of a loved one’s death, a calendar date that marks another year after the loss. In the context of grief and sadiversary dates, I like the definition of a pilgrimage as a journey undertaken as a quest for a purpose, as to pay homage. Some definitions relate a pilgrimage to a sacred place, shrine, or an act of religious devotion, but I don’t believe in enshrining a place or idolizing a deathbed. In fact, the location of your love one’s death may still be painful years later.

Sólheimasandur, Iceland Image by 12019 from Pixabay

Same Date, Different Pilgrimages

This summer, two different sadiversary grief pilgrimages focused on the same date: June 13th. In one case, an entire family took a cross-country road trip, traveling over a thousand miles to visit a motorcycle crash site on the first sadiversary. They planned in advance, made arrangements for lodging, and decided how to retrace the last days of their patriarch’s life. I spoke with the widow and her daughter as they prepared for their pilgrimage. Although tearful and grieving, they were determined to make this trip meaningful for all involved.

In contrast, the other pilgrimage occurred half of a century after the death, on the fiftieth sadiversary. Months before she traveled 2000+ miles for the journey, a woman researched many details of her father’s fatal crash. She looked up obituaries, plat map books, and location maps. Her research also involved pre-computer methods: a library visit to photograph bound newspapers (in 1973, this library did not use micro-fiche storage), a letter campaign to many families in the region, and telephone conversations with people who responded to the letters. Attempts to track down eye-witnesses proved challenging because people had died, moved, or sold their land. However, several younger family members had been told the story and passed on new information to the grieving daughter. The family members of the original eye witnesses invited her out to the crash site and welcomed her and her aunt with genuine hospitality and kindness.

These two sadiversary grief pilgrimages, although centered on the same day, illustrate the truth of how unique the grief experience is for each individual. A grief pilgrimage can be a time to commemorate your loved one, honor their life, and process your grief. Or more importantly, an opportunity to recognize the grief that you have already processed. Whether you take a grief pilgrimage on the sadiversary or at another time, here are some ideas to consider when you visit the site of your loved one’s death or another site associated with memories of the deceased.

Plan Ahead

As you plan, consider the site and any accommodations you need to make. For example, obtain permissions, determine how to access a specific area, and recognize safety factors, etc. If the exact location is unaccessible, consider a place nearby where you could spend time reflecting. For example, you cannot sit in a busy intersection, but perhaps you could park on a side street. Decide on your goals and activities as you plan ahead.

Bring a supportive friend or family member—or complete this on your own. Recognize and respect that everyone grieves differently. One person’s grief pilgrimage will have different goals and expectations than another person’s. There may be family members who don’t want to join you because they are not ready or they have already processed their grief in different ways. If you invite people, discuss your plans and expectations in advance.

Make a Back-up Plan

Visiting or revisiting the site may elicit the pain and grief you previously experienced or bring up new emotions. This may trigger difficult responses, even if you have never seen the site before. Strategize how to cope with any overwhelming emotions that may arise. If you deal with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, make a plan—perhaps with the help of a counselor. Have an exit prepared, but don’t rush away before you accomplish what you set out to do. Find a place to regroup near the site you plan to visit.

Set Realistic Expectations

This pilgrimage may be a quest for peace and closure, but recognize that you may not find the answers or closure you seek. In fact, this journey may bring up more questions than answers. As much as you knew your loved one, you may not know everything about what they felt and how they dealt with the events leading up to their death. Answer the questions you can, and be flexible with your idea of closure. Be realistic about what you can accomplish and be prepared that this experience might not turn out exactly as expected.

At the Site

Give yourself time to process everything. Recognize that heavy grief is exhausting. You may need extra time, comfort, or space when you physically and emotionally revisit an earlier place of grief and pain. Be careful not to make the location of your loved one’s death a sacred place or an idol that controls you. Say a prayer, have a moment, read a Bible verse, write in your journal—whatever comforts you.

Consider a souvenir: take a picture, find a rock, pick a flower/leaf to press, or buy a souvenir from the town/region. Be careful what you leave, especially if the site is owned by someone else. (No one wants plastic flowers that will be plowed under at the next snowfall.) Contact the owners or the park staff for suggestions of a memorial. Perhaps they have an idea for a bench, a marker, or a tree to commemorate your loved one. They may have an idea you never considered. Be flexible and respect the property and its owners.

A sadiversary grief pilgrimage may provide a comforting quest to grieve, honor, and remember your loved one. To maximize your experience, plan your goals in advance, set realistic expectations for yourself, and consider what you will do at the actual site. Expect that not everything will be explained or come to closure. I encourage you to look to Jesus for the peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7), and recognize that we won’t understand everything this side of heaven.