teenagers Archives - Kristina Lunde

April 20, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Daniel’s Mother on Child Training

Dear Modern Mama, Please consider this Bible verse as a parenting goal. God never showed me the outcome of my child training here on earth, but this is what He taught me:

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6.

The Ten Commandments

“The way he should go” sounds very broad, but go back to the ten commandments in Exodus 20 (repeated in Deuteronomy 5) to review God’s primary guidelines for life. The first three commandments focus on our relationship with God. If we set God first above all else in our lives, the rest will fall into place. That means nothing gets placed ahead of God, not even our children. (Don’t know about you, but that challenged this dedicated mama!)

God’s name deserves worship, not to be abused or taken in vain. Using God’s name as intended means that we respect Him, tell others about God, and speak His truth in love. If we focus on God and His teaching in our own lives, it will flow out from us into our children. The time, energy, and resources we spend training our children can be filtered through God’s priorities for our own lives.

With God as our number one priority, we can invest in other relationships. The fourth commandment tells us to honor our father and mother. Our children will watch how we respect our parents and elders. If kids learn to treat family members with appreciation and dignity, they will apply those concepts to other adults. The other commandments list acts of disobedience against God and other people: murder, adultery, stealing, lying, and jealousy. Child-training teaches what obedience looks like, both how to act and how not to act.

God’s Plan

My husband and I taught our eldest Daniel and his younger siblings the ten commandments as we prepared them for God’s plan. You will not find us mentioned in the Bible, but we raised our children with love and dedication, teaching them about the Lord our God, the Holy One of Israel. Our goals for our children included a disciplined lifestyle, regular prayer time, and loyalty to God—concepts based on the ten commandments. I admit being very strict about some things, especially prayer and nutrition. My Danny-boy always ate his vegetables—the other kids, not often. Daniel learned everything so quickly and he loved to pray. To this proud Mama, my Danny-boy seemed to be a born leader.

When the Babylonian invaders kidnapped my Danny-boy and took him captive to their pagan nation, I became distraught. I never got to say goodbye, nor did I ever see my son again. Little could I imagine that God had orchestrated this for His good and His glory. I often thought of my forefather Israel. He saw his son Joseph again in that strange land of Egypt, decades after Joseph was presumed dead. Losing a son like that breaks a mama’s heart, but I had to keep going, raising my other children and still trusting God.

Sometimes, dear Mama, we will not understand God’s plan until we get to heaven. God may launch our precious children from home long before we are ready to release them. Yes, I questioned God, His purpose and His ways, but ultimately I realized that the Lord my God is worth trusting even when I don’t understand.

God’s Parenting Lesson

Check out my son’s book, the biblical book of Daniel. You will learn that he continued to live out the priorities my husband and I taught him. My Danny-boy faced a lot of adversity as a captive in a far-away pagan land, but our Holy One of Israel blessed and protected the Israelites in exile. Despite much opposition, my Danny-boy and his friends shone like bright lights in the darkness, living out their love for the Lord our God. Looking back now, I understand Isaiah’s writing:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

And so, dear modern mama, I want to encourage you. Keep training your child in the way God directs, according to the ten commandments, because you may never know what God has planned for them.
Love to you from Daniel’s mother

March 31, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Parenting Advice for the Helicopter Mama

Dear Modern Mama,
Just wanted to send you a warning from what I learned as a biblical-era helicopter parent. You thought that helicopter parenting only occurred in modern times?! Helicopters, yes, but that parenting style of hovering, controlling, and meddling in your child’s life remains timeless.

Mamas love their kids and I am no different. My two boys, Jamie and Johnny, were the most adorable kids ever! My husband Zebedee taught them the fisherman’s life from a young age, just as his father did for him. Zeb and the boys made me so proud, every time they set off: in the early dawn, at sunset, or even into the dark when they fished all night. They knew that lake and they knew those fish. (All that without your fancy technology of weather reports, plastic nets, and those self-propelled motor-things!) My guys used sheer muscle strength to get the boat across the lake or to rush home during those pop-up storms on our Sea of Galilee.

My little Jamie & Johnny had their careers all set—or so Zeb and I thought. Until one day a rabbi-guy came looking for people to take with him. Simon and Andrew, sons of Zeb’s business partner, left their boat and followed the rabbi. Zeb said our boys did the same, leaving Zeb holding the fishing nets.

A rabbi chose our precious boys to school and train. As parents, we felt proud, since our people aren’t the book-learning folk usually chosen for those roles. Despite that honor, Zeb and I felt disappointed that Jamie and Johnny left everything, giving up a successful fishing business with a promising future. Instead, our boys followed this rabbi-teacher on his speaking gigs, listening and learning, but not earning any money. I wanted so much more for my Jamie and Johnny.

Can you believe this Jesus gave my boys a nickname? He called them “sons of thunder,” a title that defined my boys. How did Jesus know them so well after such a short time?! Maybe He saw me as I raised those thunderous toddlers, chasing them down to the lake and grabbing them before they jumped in Papa’s boat. From early on, Jamie & Johnny were energetic and adventurous, true sons of thunder. And Jesus just seemed to understand them, in a deep way.

Every proud Mama wants the best for her children. I saw such promise and talent in my boys, so I talked to Jesus one day about my Jamie and Johnny. (Jesus probably recognized that—why else would He have chosen them?!) I wanted my boys to get some prestige and reward for following this Jesus guy. You might accuse me of interfering with my boys’ career, but why couldn’t I make sure that Jesus realized what treasured workers He had in my boys?!

I told Jamie and Johnny to ask for a title, or a special position, from this rabbi. They had no real job description or job security; this Jesus guy just called them disciples. I thought I would make a small request on their behalf. Obviously, this rabbi liked my guys, so why not ask for the move-up position my boys deserved? I treated Jesus like the king my boys said he was, kneeling and hesitantly asking him for a favor. I’m sure my boys were mortified that I would ask for them—two grown men—to receive honors. I just thought I would help out a little bit.

When Jesus looked right at me and asked what I wanted, I had a weird feeling in my gut. But this proud, tough Mama did the asking. Basically, I wanted Jesus to place one of my sons on His right side and the other on His left when He became king. (In our culture, those positions are the seats of honor and power. And just because Simon got asked to follow first, didn’t mean that he should have an important spot. My boys were always better than Simon anyway.)

But oh the way that Jesus guy looked at me! I started to feel all guilty and my words sounded shallow as I spoke. Me, the “sons of thunder” Mama who fought for her kids’ rights! But the look Jesus gave me forced me to think about my motivations. I realized that my heart might be too proud. Instead of justifying my wonderful kids and their roles, my request sounded like a big, wrong ask. Jesus turned to my boys and asked if they could drink some kind of cup, which I didn’t understand. Then He told them that He was not in charge of seating arrangements. None of that made sense to me until much later.

I wondered about all that I heard about this Jesus. Because my boys got involved, I had to check this Jesus guy out. That rabbi’s words changed lives! Many who listened to Jesus felt challenged, encouraged, and motivated to follow Him. I met the women who followed him, and then I started being a groupie also. My life changed, and so did my boys’ lives. I will never forget that moment when I, along with the other women, followed the crowd from Galilee and then watched the horror of Jesus’ crucifixion. We stood far away—they don’t let women or kids come close—but it hurt even from that distance. But that was not the end of the story.

You can read that good news yourself, but I am writing to you, Modern Mama, so that you can learn from my mistakes. I wanted the best for my kids, but I should not have tried to get them privileges they did not deserve or ask for positions I knew nothing about. Now, I realize that I had no idea of God’s plans for my sons. My helicopter parenting plan for Jamie and Johnny involved fishing and money. Jesus taught them to be fishers of men, a deeper and more purposeful goal. That cup Jesus mentioned related to His suffering and death. I had no idea! I should have trusted God for my kids’ future, instead of trying to manipulate my own desires and plans for them. Now I see that my ideas were motivated by my pride and selfishness.

Please learn from me and realize that God’s plans for our kids will be different and better than we could ever dream of. Mamas, let go of your adult kids, and trust God to guide their “adulting.” Scares me to think of what would have happened if Zeb and I had convinced our boys to stay with the fishing business; many would not have heard about Jesus. Instead, Jamie and Johnny left all to follow and serve Jesus. And, Modern Mama, you are probably still—all these thousands of years later—reading the words that my Johnny heard from Jesus. The old me would be so proud, but the new me who learned to follow Jesus, says “Go God!”

God’s plans are always worth submitting to. Take that from this ancient Mama, who learned to follow Jesus and stop “helicoptering” her adult kids.

Love from Salome,
Follower of Jesus and Jamie & Johnny’s mother (in that order!)

(Designed to encourage tired mamas, this parenting advice is written using sarcastic humor to reflect on a biblical family’s narrative. Please read and study the Gospel accounts of James and John for yourself. In no way do I intend to misinterpret or misuse biblical passages.)
[Originally posted October 2021]

March 31, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Parenting Advice for the Mama of a Wild Child

Hey Modern Mama,
Greetings to you from this mama of a wild child, from long ago, back in Bible times. You won’t find my name in the Bible, not at all. I am only referred to as Manoah’s wife, but he loved and respected me. Even so, infertility made me feel insignificant and inferior, because I could not fulfill the role I dreamed of: to be a mother. Your situation likely varies, but back in my time, we had no idea why or how to deal with infertility.

One day as I worked, an angel of the Lord came to me and verified that I could not have a child. He called me “barren.” (Oh, how I hate that word!) Perhaps there are aspects of infertility that hurt you emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. Please know that God hears your pain and can comfort you through the challenges of infertility. Maybe an angel will not come to you—it only happened to a few infertile women in the Bible—but God does hear your heart’s cry.

This angel of the Lord prophesied that I would have a son. Unreal and hard to believe, but somehow I trusted his words as true. Then he gave me pregnancy care instructions—how strange for a man to know about that! You have medical experts, books, and even Google, but we only get advice from the women in our tribe. Those instructions about taking care of myself during pregnancy meant that from the beginning, our son would be dedicated to God. The angel said that our son would deliver us from the Philistines, our oppressive rulers. This son would not only deliver Manoah and me from infertility, but deliver our tribe and our people. What exciting news!

As often happens, what we expected as parents differed from God’s plan for our son. Our Samson, an unexpected gift from God, certainly surprised us in many ways. Calm, compliant, rule-following—none of those aspects described our Samson! He came out of the womb large and in charge. From day one, the strength on that kid amazed us. And what a challenge for Manoah and me to train, discipline, and correct our wild child! We wondered if Samson would ever learn to control his impulsive nature.

Maybe you have a wild child and wonder how and why God blessed you that way. I found myself saying the same things over and over—for decades:
“Can’t you be kind? Can’t you be patient?”
“Samson, stop swinging that rock/stick/table above your head!”
“You beat up the neighborhood kids—again?!”

Manoah and I reminded ourselves that Samson was God’s child, dedicated to God, and created with characteristics for God’s purposes. Please appreciate the child God gave you, instead of comparing him to your friends’ kids. I made that mistake a lot and finally realized my need to rely on God for parenting help and guidance. God knew best how to prepare Samson for the future, and He helped us train Samson. No matter how discouraged I became raising Samson, I knew that God would prepare Samson for his God-ordained job. God’s plan for Samson ultimately affected others—even our nation—in ways that extended far beyond just Manoah and me.

For you parents of wild children growing into wild adults, I could add stories of Samson’s gambling, womanizing, murder, etc. All those nice Israelite girls—but instead, Samson chose nagging, sleazy, heathen women. Let me just say that God may use your children in ways that do not make sense to you. God is not concerned about our desire to have compliant kids who reflect well on our family. Being stewards of our children means recognizing when to let them go and trusting God to work in their lives. For you helicopter parents, realize that we have to let go of what we think is best for our children. I had to learn and relearn how to entrust my child to God. Even after Samson grew up, I had to remind myself to let go of my dreams for my son.

Check out my story in Judges 13-16 to read how God used my wild child to accomplish His sovereign plan in our country. My Samson, despite his bad decisions, hot temper, impulsive acts, gambling habit, womanizing, and multiple murders, accomplished God’s purposes in surprising ways.

May God teach you how to love your wild child and to recognize that God loves your child even more than you do. May God encourage you in your parenting, today and always.

Love from Samson’s Mama

(Designed to encourage tired mamas, this parenting advice is written using sarcastic humor to reflect on a biblical family’s narrative. Please read Judges 13-16 and study the account of Samson for yourself. In no way do I intend to misinterpret or misuse biblical passages.)
[Originally posted September 2021]

March 29, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Reflections From My Empty Nest: A Mother’s Family Dinner Fantasy

Electronic devices set aside, distractions minimized, and schedules cleared for our family dinner together, our family gathers around the dining room table and eagerly anticipates the customary evening ritual. Savory dishes waft their fragrance as we bow our heads, fold hands, and thank our Creator who once again blessed us with more than we need. Thanks given, we open our eyes to enjoy the feast spread before us. Love poured into serving dishes, we ladle out homemade goodness and spoon tasty nourishment onto our plates as we rehash the day, validate each other’s experiences, and share our dreams. (Did I mention that the meal was nutritionally and visually balanced, a stunning display of culinary acumen and nutritional wealth?)

No, that never happened. That was just my family dinner fantasy: to nurture souls and stomachs as we enjoyed the evening meal. In reality, our dinnertime looked more scattered and much less portrait-worthy. We always squeezed in the pre-meal thank you to God, but the rest often became a free-for-all. Kids fought, electronics were confiscated, and distractions reigned. Two table-height dogs stuck their snouts toward weak-willed family members, eliciting regular chiding from me to ignore the begging retrievers. Complaints abounded. Whining ensued. Conversation stopped. No one wanted to share what happened in school. Apparently, our kids spent all day in abject boredom and irritation within the school walls. (Those poor teachers, dealing with teenagers all day!)

Why did I nurture this fantasy that the four of us would enjoy a nice dinner together?! I set myself up for disappointment every time. I felt more like a table referee or an interrogation lawyer than a mom relaxing with her dear ones. My husband often smiled a look of commiseration, as if to say, “Here we are at the dinner table – is this is what you wanted?!”

Now, in the reflection of my empty-nest, rear-view mirror, my memories have softened around the edges. I miss the smiles and energy of teenagers around the table. My recall of the piercing whines and exclamatory disgusts has faded, as I remember my love for those teenagers. Previously, I told my husband that dinnertime was an eighteen-year training program and we would not be the beneficiaries. Not so sure how that is working out now, though. A recent phone call to my college student revealed that he was standing up and eating chips and salsa for dinner. My young adult daughter likes to cook, but often stands in the kitchen for meals instead of eating with roommates.

Is the connection-time of eating together merely a mother’s fantasy? Has family mealtime become a disappearing cultural norm as parents prep a rushed meal before everyone leaves for evening activities? How do we relate to a generation that considers face time an electronic concept provided by cell phones, rather than real people who interact together in a group setting? Will they develop the interpersonal skills—communication, empathy, teamwork, and listening—those challenging aspects of working with people? How better to develop those “soft skills,” than with family members, those people you are forced to get along with on a regular basis? These are my big-picture questions.

Meanwhile, I had to let go of that perfect dinner fantasy long ago. My job is to love God first, and then to love and nurture my kids to the best of my God-given ability.

Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Psalm 127:3

Lord God, thank you for the gift and blessing that you have given me in my children. Lord, your legacy is what I pray for in their lives. Nurture in them the desire to follow you above all. Help me to savor any and all time I get to spend with family. In Jesus name. Amen.

[Originally posted February 2020]

August 1, 2018 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

The Move: A Mom’s Reflections on Boxes and Stuff

Boxes. Clothes. Stuff. First-world problems of too much stuff in the basement. Boxes of my children’s stuff: school memories, projects, photo albums, and yearbooks. A trumpet, music stand, and tennis racket in the corner. Clothes, costumes, and uniforms on a hanging rod, long neglected and outdated. Former extracurricular pursuits, now abandoned for a focus on college classes and career preparation.

Not only my children’s boxes, but boxes of stuff belonging to my husband and me. Plus memorabilia from deceased relatives. I am the keeper of family mementos, my house the repository of family history. My parents’ photo albums, dating back to the 1930s. Super 8 mm movies from the 1960s-1970s in their metal tins with a matching movie projector. Prom pictures from the 70s, photos, souvenirs, and clothing from my late husband’s life, stored for my children to sort through some day. More stuff in labeled boxes.

Hours spent sorting, donating, and re-packing the stuff. Carloads of boxes and items donated. Boxes and more stuff, memory after stored memory, lugged out of the basement, out of the house.

Not many memories from the room itself: a few projects completed and a water softener that ate large bags of salt. The heady stench of marker and the ripping noise of packing tape ceased; the empty room awaited only cleaning before the move. I noticed the smell of moisture from the concrete basement floor. My California daughter used to correlate that smell of humidity with her Midwestern grandmother’s house. “It smells like Oma’s basement.” How quickly that became our own overlooked basement smell once we moved to Minnesota.

Swish, swish. The sound of the broom clearing the last of the room. A residual of dust and bugs where life and memories had been stored.

And then I saw the vertical wooden column upon which I had tallied my children’s growth. Dates, ages, and initials of both kids, their growth verified on the upright framing. The 2 by 4 stood sentry next to a big black plumbing pipe, both essential to the house structure. I snapped a photo and took only memories along with me.

The newly-cleaned basement and house seemed lonely. No kid shrieks or laughter; no youthful energy inside. Gone were the door slams from frustrated teenagers. No kids racing downstairs as I trudged up with box after box. From solid concrete to soft carpet, stuff traveled up the stairs, out the door, and onto the trailer.

Slosh, slosh. The mop diffused a clean smell. A sanitized room awaited the home buyer.

Goodbye home. Goodbye to the place where my children laughed, played, and grew. And grew. And grew. And then they launched.

Thank you, Lord, for your provision and protection as we grew and made memories in our wonderful home. Please bless the new owners.