Kristina Lunde

The Lord is my strength and my song.
Psalm 118:14a

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March 31, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Obeying a God Nudge: From Selfish to Willing

An email request asked Lakes Area Writers Alliance members to volunteer for a shift in a non-profit booth at the county fair. My irritations added up. The group held meetings, inconveniently, on Saturday mornings, and this request also involved weekends. A four-hour shift seemed like a long, boring stretch of time. All of my reasons not to participate felt squelched by a “God-nudge,” to use my husband’s description of a gut feeling that God wants you to do something. I preferred to volunteer for a two-hour shift, but four hours in a row? Really?! How much could I say about group meetings that I rarely attended?

That “God-nudge” prompted me to sign up for the last Saturday morning of the fair. Yes, I volunteered for the day I didn’t want to go, for the job I didn’t want to do, and for a stretch of time I thought seemed too long. But I did it anyway, begrudgingly out of obedience God.

Our writer’s alliance event coordinator had thoroughly prepared the displays. Two rectangular tables included an obligatory candy bowl that attracted kids and other sweet-seekers. A raffle jar offered a prize basket of books written by members of our writers’ alliance—my memoir included. Some group members had self-published short stories in a collection entitled The Storyville Project. Copies were stacked and available for sale. Displayed in racks, stacks, and fanned arrangements, brochures and bookmarks spread across the table tops.

Volunteers had permission to sell their own books, so I spent the first minutes placing my books on easels. As I set up my sales display, I chatted with the woman in the neighboring booth. Her story tumbled out quickly: she was widowed three months prior, after taking care of her ill husband while he was on hospice. Confined to a hospital bed in the living room, her husband needed full-time care, so she had slept on the couch, ready to jump up and help him 24/7.

Her tears flowed as she spoke of her grief. I tried to reassure her about the grief processing she had already accomplished, even though nothing felt normal to her yet. Not surprisingly, the fatigue she accumulated as a caretaker now compounded her grief. We spoke of God’s healing and comfort. I gave her the GriefShare website, so that she could sign up for daily emails and check out this fall’s grief groups. Later, a woman walked by the booth dressed in a memorial t-shirt that displayed several family members’ names and dates of death. We also discussed death and grief, and I gave her the same resources and information.

My entire booth shift turned out to be a pleasant surprise, and the four hours passed quickly. Several teenagers approached the booth, some reluctantly as their supportive parents asked questions on their child’s behalf. Identifying these shy teenagers, I started conversations about their favorite genres and encouraged them to continue writing. Hoping that the teens would be challenged and validated by submitting a story, I asked each one to contribute to the next edition of The Storyville Project. One teenager described working on projects with her sister who created anime drawings for her stories. As I marveled at their talents, I encouraged them to keep collaborating.

I enjoyed giving booth visitors information about our Lakes Area Writers Alliance. Not all conversations related to writing as I talked with kids, parents, and families. The Gideons International hosted a nearby booth where they gave out New Testament Bibles. Unlike the plain covers I remember from decades ago, the new Bible came in colorful covers: designs, graphics, and even camouflage. I engaged a few kids in conversation as they walked by with their pocket-sized gifts.

Afterward, I thought about my much-needed attitude rearrangement. I had signed up for my shift out of reluctant obedience to the “God-nudge,” or God’s prompting. That reluctance started to change when I recognized God’s divine appointments. Within minutes of my arrival, God arranged one-on-one time to speak with a grieving widow in the neighboring booth. God blessed my volunteer shift with meaningful conversations with kids, families, grieving people, writers, and friends. Once my selfishness got out of the way, God changed my attitude to willing—even joyful—obedience.

Lord God, Forgive my reluctant and frustrated attitude toward obeying your prompting, or those “God-nudges.” Change my heart, dear God, and teach me to be joyful and willing as I obey. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
[Originally posted August 2021]

Filed Under: Ministry Tagged With: books, God-nudge, grief, GriefShare, ministry, obedience, trust, volunteer

March 30, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Grief in a Thrift Shop

A trip to my favorite consignment store during this COVID-19 pandemic provided a surprising social interaction last week. Only God knew that I would have a grief-related encounter. He orchestrated the timing, people, and circumstances for the event. My goal involved only getting out of the house to shop.

As often happens when I have time and money to shop, nothing fits, the clothing doesn’t look right, or I just can’t find anything. After my frustrations in the dressing room, I walked around the corner and looked at stuff that I didn’t really need or want to buy.

Suddenly two staff members moved quickly to the front of the store. “Sit down! Catch your breath!” They urged a customer to sit down in a chair. Then I heard heavy panting amid attempts to speak. Two employees were giving instructions to someone in obvious distress. “Rest a minute. Can I get you some water?” Thinking it was a medical emergency, I came around the clothes racks to offer help if needed.

Not all of the woman’s words were audible; she gasped for air and spoke from the chair. “Respiratory distress . . . in the hospital . . . nothing they could do.”

This was no medical emergency. The woman expressed her emotional pain, pouring out her grief after the recent death of a loved one. Thinking she was newly widowed, I came closer, hoping to speak with her. Two staff members were by her side, so I didn’t approach.

Photo by Jeremy Wong/Unsplash

Instead, I took a pen and paper out of my purse and wrote down the GriefShare website link as I listened. By then, the second staff member had left, and the woman in the chair slowed her breathing. Her emotional pain tumbled out in disjointed words. “The clothes in the bags – I washed them all. They are brand names . . . good quality.” Her son had died suddenly after a short hospitalization.

When only one staff member stood at her side, I approached slowly and put my hand on the grieving woman’s shoulder. After a pause in the conversation, I mentioned that my husband died of a sudden heart attack sixteen years ago. Acknowledging that grief is very difficult, I asked how she was sleeping. I listened as the woman admitted that she could not sleep, eat, or focus on anything. All of that was normal, I assured her. Her brain had to work overtime to process the painful truth of her loved one’s death. I encouraged her to take care of herself in basic ways, like resting, eating, and drinking water.

Expressing concern over how hard she was working to wash, sort, and donate her son’s clothes, I advised her not to rush through those decisions. Instead, she should consider that there are people who will make quilts, teddy bears, and mementos with fabric from her loved one’s clothes. She mentioned that her granddaughter took some shirts to have teddy bears sewn.

Then I gave her the GriefShare link and suggested she sign up for the daily emails of comfort and encouragement. Also, she could look up grief support groups on the website. By that time, the woman had calmed her breathing. She stood up and walked toward the front door. I went back to browse the housewares.

“Where did that lady go?” I heard the store owner ask the cashier. After being pointed my way, the owner came over. “Thank you so much for helping that woman. How sad. I think things happen for a reason. Otherwise, what a coincidence that you were here at the time that lady came in!”

“I believe that God arranged those circumstances and that He had this all planned. He put all of this together knowing that that woman needed support.”

Later as I paid for my items, the cashier also thanked me. “My devotion this morning in Jesus Always [Jesus Always: Embracing Joy in His Presence by Sarah Young] was exactly about this kind of thing.”

“Don’t you love how God can teach us lessons and reinforce them in many ways?” I asked. At her agreement, I smiled.

Once again, I felt awe and honor at how God surprised me with an opportunity to comfort a grieving person (2 Corinthians 1:4-5).

Lord God, please comfort that precious woman whose son died. Give your comfort and peace to her whole family as they grieve this sudden death. Please be with those of us in the store that day: teach us to rely on you, share your love with others, and trust you to be involved in our everyday activities. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
[Originally posted April 2021]

Filed Under: Grief Tagged With: comfort, coronavirus, grief, GriefShare, pandemic

March 30, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

COVID-19 Deaths: A Grief Dismembered

Dismembered grief might best describe grieving during the current COVID-19 pandemic.
Photo by Jonathan Cooper/Unsplash

A son mourns the death of his mother, 3000 miles away. Travel quarantines and hospital restrictions kept him from saying goodbye in person. A phone held to her ear was too late; she never regained consciousness.

She begged her snowbird parents not to go south during the pandemic; they traveled anyway. Now, she flies cross-country to be with her mother as her father lies hospitalized, dying of COVID.

A wife races to the hospital after her husband arrives by ambulance. Blood clots, a heart attack, death. Many people assumed that he died of COVID.

A husband outlives his prognosis and fights valiantly to spend more time with his family, but dies of cancer during the COVID pandemic. COVID deaths dominate the media, but cancer continues to claim lives.

Grief, grief, and more grief. All grief hurts, and the current pandemic deeply impacts how people live, die, and grieve. Who could predict so much death—over half of a million deaths in this country alone—due to SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID-19 disease? In the United States, COVID deaths now exceed mortality rates due to other causes. Whether someone dies of COVID or another cause, this pandemic affects the mourning and grieving of all deaths. This coronavirus impacts specific aspects of grief: anticipatory, disenfranchised, and complicated.

Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief offers the chance to acknowledge and gradually adjust to the upcoming loss and grief. For example, a terminally ill person and his family might prepare emotionally and logistically for the inevitable death. In contrast, COVID-19 robs people of time for anticipatory grief, as the disease may suddenly progress from cold symptoms to dangerously low oxygen levels, sometimes resulting in ventilator dependence and death before diagnosis.

COVID-imposed restrictions also impair anticipatory grief. With multiple household gatherings discouraged, extended families cannot gather at the bedside as their loved one dies. How can traditional rituals surrounding death and dying be implemented in the midst of shutdowns and quarantines?

Disenfranchised Grief

Kenneth Doka, a death education and counseling expert for over 30 years, wrote the book that defines disenfranchised grief as “not socially sanctioned, openly acknowledged, or publicly mourned.” The COVID-19 pandemic contributes to these aspects of disenfranchisement. Efforts to prevent virus transmission curtail or even prohibit public expressions of community grief or rituals focused on the dying family member. What about the sorrow and guilt people experience when they cannot host visitations, wakes, reviewals, or other mourning traditions to honor their deceased loved ones? Large funerals and food-serving receptions are viewed as virus-spreading events instead of valued as comforting family reunions. Funerals and memorial services are indefinitely postponed until after the pandemic, depriving mourners of public acknowledgment and spiritual community as they grieve alone.

Complicated Grief

What aspects of COVID disease and deaths have not complicated the process of grieving?! Whereas complicated grief used to be an ill-defined term in the clinical context, now Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder (PCBD), categorizes complicated grief in the most recent Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5). Whether COVID-related emotional trauma persists and propels a person’s complicated grief into a PCBD diagnosis might not be evident until after the pandemic.

Dismembered Grief

The COVID pandemic may prevent anticipatory grief, result in disenfranchised grief, and further complicate grief. I call these pandemic effects dismembered grief, because COVID-related restrictions separate grieving people from their loved ones, cut off emotional and spiritual supports, and deprive loved ones of time together, both before and after death. Grieving during this time can feel lonely and disjointed. Socialization limitations, travel quarantines, solitary living, separation mandates, in-person events moved online—all of these lifestyle changes lead to what I identify as dismembered grief during the coronavirus chaos.

Comfort in Grief

How do we comfort those who grieve during this pandemic? In my experience, when grief interfered with eating, sleeping, and much of my life, I relied on others for emotional, physical, and spiritual support. These seven ideas help acknowledge, comfort, and support a grieving person, during this pandemic and beyond:

  • mention their loved one’s name
  • listen to them talk about their loved one
  • write them an encouraging note
  • talk/write about a memory of their loved one
  • drop off a meal
  • offer to help with one task: e.g. household chore, errand, event
  • ask what you can do for/with their kids: take them on an outing, give rides, teach them a skill, etc.

Helping with a specific task, or just sitting with a grieving person, provides more connection and assistance in an overwhelming situation than a vague offer of “call me if you need something.” The shock and trauma of a loved one’s death may block any ability to reach out for help. COVID-19 restrictions require creative problem-solving, but safe and relevant help will decrease the isolation of grief.

Note: If you are grieving, consider joining an online grief support group (e.g. GriefShare). For specific grief resources, contact your local faith community, counseling center, hospice program, or funeral home.

[Originally posted March 2021]

Filed Under: coronavirus Tagged With: anticipatory grief, complicated grief, coronavirus, COVID-19, disenfranchised grief, dismembered grief, grief, GriefShare, pandemic

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