Kristina Lunde

The Lord is my strength and my song.
Psalm 118:14a

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January 7, 2025 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Sadiversary Book Launch: God’s Comfort in Grief

God’s Comfort in Grief by Kristina Lunde

Announcing my new book entitled God’s Comfort in Grief: Meditations for the Newly Widowed. I celebrate the launch of my book even as I commemorate the twenty-year sadiversary of my husband Lee’s death. My grief relief came from the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). For that, I am so thankful—and motivated to share God’s grief relief in my speaking and writing.

This is the book I needed after Lee died. Early on, I cried through my days and didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with life. The trauma of performing CPR on my husband and seeing him die before my eyes impacted everything. My basic life skills, and of course my executive functioning skills, disappeared. Simple tasks, like combing my hair and feeding my children, overwhelmed my incapacitated brain. In those first weeks and months after Lee died, my mind could not focus. I wanted a short easy-to-read book that prioritized God’s comfort while giving me grieving help and practical advice.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV

So I have finally published the book that I needed back in that newly widowed phase of my life. My memoirs tell the story (My River of Sorrow: A Widow’s Journey with God and Memorial Stones: Reflections from My River of Sorrow), but this new book describes early widowed grief and focuses on God’s promises. Each short chapter includes a Bible verse for comfort, an anecdote for connection, and grief-processing ideas for consideration.

When I write sympathy cards, I include encouraging Bible verses and grief processing concepts. For widows or widowers, I include a letter from my blogpost (Note: the blogpost content is relevant for any widowed person, although I use the term widow instead of widow/widower). Now, I can communicate that content—and much more—by gifting this small book. My hope is for grieving people to draw closer to the God of all comfort as they adjust to widowhood.

My Prayer

Lord God, you know exactly how to comfort widows and widowers, just like you uniquely comforted me. Oh Jesus, speak your truth and redemption into the lives of all who seek you in their grief. Help them process their sorrow and individual challenges as they grieve. Father God, pour your compassion and comfort into grieving hearts in miraculous ways, as only you can.

Dear Lord, twenty years ago, you picked up this distraught widow from her puddle of tears. Your love and comfort changed me into a functioning single parent. Through the years, you have rebuilt my life and given me a future I never imagined. Thank you, Lord, that I feel more nostalgia about Lee and gratitude to you rather than pain at this sadiversary. Only a mighty healing God like you can accomplish that miracle, and I am grateful. Please keep working miraculous grief relief in people’s lives, just like you have done for me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Filed Under: Books Tagged With: book, comfort, grief, grief relief, launch, sadiversary

September 30, 2023 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

A Sadiversary Grief Pilgrimage

A sadiversary grief pilgrimage. What is it? A sadiversary is the anniversary of a loved one’s death, a calendar date that marks another year after the loss. In the context of grief and sadiversary dates, I like the definition of a pilgrimage as a journey undertaken as a quest for a purpose, as to pay homage. Some definitions relate a pilgrimage to a sacred place, shrine, or an act of religious devotion, but I don’t believe in enshrining a place or idolizing a deathbed. In fact, the location of your love one’s death may still be painful years later.

Sólheimasandur, Iceland Image by 12019 from Pixabay

Same Date, Different Pilgrimages

This summer, two different sadiversary grief pilgrimages focused on the same date: June 13th. In one case, an entire family took a cross-country road trip, traveling over a thousand miles to visit a motorcycle crash site on the first sadiversary. They planned in advance, made arrangements for lodging, and decided how to retrace the last days of their patriarch’s life. I spoke with the widow and her daughter as they prepared for their pilgrimage. Although tearful and grieving, they were determined to make this trip meaningful for all involved.

In contrast, the other pilgrimage occurred half of a century after the death, on the fiftieth sadiversary. Months before she traveled 2000+ miles for the journey, a woman researched many details of her father’s fatal crash. She looked up obituaries, plat map books, and location maps. Her research also involved pre-computer methods: a library visit to photograph bound newspapers (in 1973, this library did not use micro-fiche storage), a letter campaign to many families in the region, and telephone conversations with people who responded to the letters. Attempts to track down eye-witnesses proved challenging because people had died, moved, or sold their land. However, several younger family members had been told the story and passed on new information to the grieving daughter. The family members of the original eye witnesses invited her out to the crash site and welcomed her and her aunt with genuine hospitality and kindness.

These two sadiversary grief pilgrimages, although centered on the same day, illustrate the truth of how unique the grief experience is for each individual. A grief pilgrimage can be a time to commemorate your loved one, honor their life, and process your grief. Or more importantly, an opportunity to recognize the grief that you have already processed. Whether you take a grief pilgrimage on the sadiversary or at another time, here are some ideas to consider when you visit the site of your loved one’s death or another site associated with memories of the deceased.

Plan Ahead

As you plan, consider the site and any accommodations you need to make. For example, obtain permissions, determine how to access a specific area, and recognize safety factors, etc. If the exact location is unaccessible, consider a place nearby where you could spend time reflecting. For example, you cannot sit in a busy intersection, but perhaps you could park on a side street. Decide on your goals and activities as you plan ahead.

Bring a supportive friend or family member—or complete this on your own. Recognize and respect that everyone grieves differently. One person’s grief pilgrimage will have different goals and expectations than another person’s. There may be family members who don’t want to join you because they are not ready or they have already processed their grief in different ways. If you invite people, discuss your plans and expectations in advance.

Make a Back-up Plan

Visiting or revisiting the site may elicit the pain and grief you previously experienced or bring up new emotions. This may trigger difficult responses, even if you have never seen the site before. Strategize how to cope with any overwhelming emotions that may arise. If you deal with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, make a plan—perhaps with the help of a counselor. Have an exit prepared, but don’t rush away before you accomplish what you set out to do. Find a place to regroup near the site you plan to visit.

Set Realistic Expectations

This pilgrimage may be a quest for peace and closure, but recognize that you may not find the answers or closure you seek. In fact, this journey may bring up more questions than answers. As much as you knew your loved one, you may not know everything about what they felt and how they dealt with the events leading up to their death. Answer the questions you can, and be flexible with your idea of closure. Be realistic about what you can accomplish and be prepared that this experience might not turn out exactly as expected.

At the Site

Give yourself time to process everything. Recognize that heavy grief is exhausting. You may need extra time, comfort, or space when you physically and emotionally revisit an earlier place of grief and pain. Be careful not to make the location of your loved one’s death a sacred place or an idol that controls you. Say a prayer, have a moment, read a Bible verse, write in your journal—whatever comforts you.

Consider a souvenir: take a picture, find a rock, pick a flower/leaf to press, or buy a souvenir from the town/region. Be careful what you leave, especially if the site is owned by someone else. (No one wants plastic flowers that will be plowed under at the next snowfall.) Contact the owners or the park staff for suggestions of a memorial. Perhaps they have an idea for a bench, a marker, or a tree to commemorate your loved one. They may have an idea you never considered. Be flexible and respect the property and its owners.

A sadiversary grief pilgrimage may provide a comforting quest to grieve, honor, and remember your loved one. To maximize your experience, plan your goals in advance, set realistic expectations for yourself, and consider what you will do at the actual site. Expect that not everything will be explained or come to closure. I encourage you to look to Jesus for the peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7), and recognize that we won’t understand everything this side of heaven.

Filed Under: Grief Tagged With: grief, pilgrimage, sadiversary

May 25, 2022 by Kristina Lunde 3 Comments

The Sadiversary: A Grief Milestone

Sadiversary sounds like an anniversary, but instead of a celebratory event, the grieving person commemorates the date their loved one died. Sometimes that date may loom large and foreboding, as you fear falling apart in a fresh new way. Or, you may have expectations and hopes of closure and peace. As usual in the grieving process, your response will be as unique and individual as your relationship with your loved one. With some planning and preparation, the sadiversary can become a memorable grief milestone. Here are some thoughts to help you recognize the truth of your situation and prepare for the sadiversary in emotional, logistical, and spiritual ways.

Sadiversary Truths

In anticipating the first sadiversary, recognize that you have spent a year acknowledging and dealing with your loved one’s death. This may be yet another grief challenge, but recognize all the sorrow that you have processed and coped with already. The truth is, you already faced many painful days of grief in those early weeks after your loved one died, and you will get through this one, too. Sadly, there is no award—no prize or recognition—for your survival of one year of grief. Most people will not remember that day of death, the day when your loved one’s life ended and your life changed forever.

Please take heart. The sadiversary is a grieving milestone, a marker on your journey through mourning, sorrow, acceptance, and adjustment. Someday it will not hurt like this, as my mother promised me. A widow at age 36, my mother raised three children on her own and knew what I faced. My mother told me of writing a check once, when she suddenly recognized the date as the day of my father’s deadly plane crash years earlier. Instead of a grief ambush, she felt surprised that it was just an average, normal day. Such healing seems impossible when grief is so fresh and painful, but God’s comfort and healing continues, long after that first year.

Emotional: Be Gentle with Yourself

Please be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself time and space to grieve on the sadiversary. Remember and honor your loved one in whatever way is best for you. By now, you will know what that looks like. For example, look through photos, read letters, watch videos, or play music. Be by yourself or find emotional support reminiscing with others who also loved this person. Or plan both solitary and group activities for that day. This might be a sad time, but recognize how far you have come in terms of grieving and living life again.

Logistics: Make a Plan

Make a plan so that the day doesn’t stretch out in dread before you or get filled with so many work projects that you have no time to reflect. Schedule something in honor of your loved one. My six-year-old son decided that our family should go on a bike ride for the first sadiversary, because Daddy liked to bike. My kids chose the route, biking back and forth to the house of family friends. As my little guy rode his “big-boy bike,” from which Daddy had recently removed the training wheels, I fought back tears. I recognized my son’s determination to honor Daddy as those little legs churned round and round at the pedals, a total of over nine miles that day.

Schedule something you enjoy, like an outdoor activity, a restaurant outing, or a concert—whatever makes you smile. My in-laws spent sadiversaries eating out at a Mexican restaurant, my husband’s favorite cuisine. The people you choose to spend time with do not need to know about the occasion. After I moved and my husband had been gone for years, I often scheduled sadiversary events with girlfriends. They had no idea about the significance of the date and had never met my husband, but I enjoyed having a planned activity.

Spiritual: Trust God

Recognize and remember what God has done for you in this past year of mourning and sorrow. Reflecting on your early grief may elicit pain again, but you can truly appreciate how God has comforted you. How did God encourage you? Provide for you? Remind you of His love? Help you grow in your faith? Speak to you through His word? Pray and thank God for His comfort. Read God’s Word and ask Him to guide you into the next phase of your life. Spend time writing your reflections down. You may identify progress that you did not recognize before. Trust God for His healing.

As you acknowledge this loss and honor the deceased, this sadiversary may be a grief milestone that propels you forward. May God use this day to remind you of His love for you.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 NIV

Filed Under: Grief Tagged With: grief, sadiversary, trust, widow

September 28, 2015 by Kristina Lunde 1,172 Comments

Ten Year Sadiversary

Dearest Lee,

Ten years ago today, our lives changed forever.

Ten years ago today, I did CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) on you after you slumped over. I watched paramedics work on you, move you out of the house on a gurney, and take you to the hospital. The medical staff was unable to revive you after trying everything, and you were pronounced dead on January 7, 2005. Both of our lives split off in different directions after your sudden heart attack – yours celestial, mine earthly – in a separation neither of us chose.

The ten year sadiversary.

Never thought I would make it one week without you, let alone one decade. Now it seems like multiple decades, at least a lifetime ago. You were my husband, my parenting partner, the love of my life.

Our mighty God pulled me up out of the mire of grief and pain, and set me on the rock – just like Psalm 40:1-3 describes. God helped me rely on THE rock – the stable rock of His Word, His character – the rock of who He is.

Like Psalm 40:3 says, “He put a new song in my mouth.” Yes, I am singing and joyful again, although widowhood was a painful adjustment. It’s a long story — two books actually. I have no idea if God let you see the process; I just hope that you missed the awful part of our grief and mourning. The three of us love you so much; it took a long time and lots of help to adjust to losing you so suddenly.

Single, or only parenting as widowed people call it, was tough. I did my best, but it was not a smooth journey. (Hopefully, God did not show you all of that, either.) God helped me every step of the way; His comfort and guidance brought me back to living life again.

Do you know that I remarried seven years after you died? Who would think of having two husbands in one lifetime?! Very different, but I am grateful to God for the blessing of new love. You were the love of the first half of my life; Craig is the love of the second half of my life. Sometimes I am surprised that my life is so similar: loving my husband (OK, it’s a different husband, but it’s what I do) and family,  nurturing my kids, and volunteering in my church and community. I start my day in God’s Word and maintain similar priorities as before you died.

Except for the parenting stuff, that is. Our kids (seems strange to call them “our” kids after the painful adjustment to “my” kids) do their own homework, driving, and activities now. You would be so proud of them – but you wouldn’t recognize them as teenagers! They have changed so much and are well on their way to becoming incredible, unique adults. Craig is God’s gift to help me deal with teenagers;  he inspires me to be a much better parent than I was alone. I have adjusted to, and really appreciate, my new parenting partner.

Please do me a favor and thank Jesus personally for His death on the cross. What a gift that is to all of us! (I suppose that you never take that for granted up there.) Also, please thank God for the comfort and healing He gave me. What a turnaround God led me through after that horrible night ten years ago. . .

Maybe I’ll tell you all about it some celestial day.

[Originally posted January 2015]

Filed Under: Grief Tagged With: grief, letter, sadiversary, single parenting, widow

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