Kristina Lunde

The Lord is my strength and my song.
Psalm 118:14a

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March 30, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Grief in a Thrift Shop

A trip to my favorite consignment store during this COVID-19 pandemic provided a surprising social interaction last week. Only God knew that I would have a grief-related encounter. He orchestrated the timing, people, and circumstances for the event. My goal involved only getting out of the house to shop.

As often happens when I have time and money to shop, nothing fits, the clothing doesn’t look right, or I just can’t find anything. After my frustrations in the dressing room, I walked around the corner and looked at stuff that I didn’t really need or want to buy.

Suddenly two staff members moved quickly to the front of the store. “Sit down! Catch your breath!” They urged a customer to sit down in a chair. Then I heard heavy panting amid attempts to speak. Two employees were giving instructions to someone in obvious distress. “Rest a minute. Can I get you some water?” Thinking it was a medical emergency, I came around the clothes racks to offer help if needed.

Not all of the woman’s words were audible; she gasped for air and spoke from the chair. “Respiratory distress . . . in the hospital . . . nothing they could do.”

This was no medical emergency. The woman expressed her emotional pain, pouring out her grief after the recent death of a loved one. Thinking she was newly widowed, I came closer, hoping to speak with her. Two staff members were by her side, so I didn’t approach.

Photo by Jeremy Wong/Unsplash

Instead, I took a pen and paper out of my purse and wrote down the GriefShare website link as I listened. By then, the second staff member had left, and the woman in the chair slowed her breathing. Her emotional pain tumbled out in disjointed words. “The clothes in the bags – I washed them all. They are brand names . . . good quality.” Her son had died suddenly after a short hospitalization.

When only one staff member stood at her side, I approached slowly and put my hand on the grieving woman’s shoulder. After a pause in the conversation, I mentioned that my husband died of a sudden heart attack sixteen years ago. Acknowledging that grief is very difficult, I asked how she was sleeping. I listened as the woman admitted that she could not sleep, eat, or focus on anything. All of that was normal, I assured her. Her brain had to work overtime to process the painful truth of her loved one’s death. I encouraged her to take care of herself in basic ways, like resting, eating, and drinking water.

Expressing concern over how hard she was working to wash, sort, and donate her son’s clothes, I advised her not to rush through those decisions. Instead, she should consider that there are people who will make quilts, teddy bears, and mementos with fabric from her loved one’s clothes. She mentioned that her granddaughter took some shirts to have teddy bears sewn.

Then I gave her the GriefShare link and suggested she sign up for the daily emails of comfort and encouragement. Also, she could look up grief support groups on the website. By that time, the woman had calmed her breathing. She stood up and walked toward the front door. I went back to browse the housewares.

“Where did that lady go?” I heard the store owner ask the cashier. After being pointed my way, the owner came over. “Thank you so much for helping that woman. How sad. I think things happen for a reason. Otherwise, what a coincidence that you were here at the time that lady came in!”

“I believe that God arranged those circumstances and that He had this all planned. He put all of this together knowing that that woman needed support.”

Later as I paid for my items, the cashier also thanked me. “My devotion this morning in Jesus Always [Jesus Always: Embracing Joy in His Presence by Sarah Young] was exactly about this kind of thing.”

“Don’t you love how God can teach us lessons and reinforce them in many ways?” I asked. At her agreement, I smiled.

Once again, I felt awe and honor at how God surprised me with an opportunity to comfort a grieving person (2 Corinthians 1:4-5).

Lord God, please comfort that precious woman whose son died. Give your comfort and peace to her whole family as they grieve this sudden death. Please be with those of us in the store that day: teach us to rely on you, share your love with others, and trust you to be involved in our everyday activities. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
[Originally posted April 2021]

Filed Under: Grief Tagged With: comfort, coronavirus, grief, GriefShare, pandemic

March 30, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

COVID-19 Deaths: A Grief Dismembered

Dismembered grief might best describe grieving during the current COVID-19 pandemic.
Photo by Jonathan Cooper/Unsplash

A son mourns the death of his mother, 3000 miles away. Travel quarantines and hospital restrictions kept him from saying goodbye in person. A phone held to her ear was too late; she never regained consciousness.

She begged her snowbird parents not to go south during the pandemic; they traveled anyway. Now, she flies cross-country to be with her mother as her father lies hospitalized, dying of COVID.

A wife races to the hospital after her husband arrives by ambulance. Blood clots, a heart attack, death. Many people assumed that he died of COVID.

A husband outlives his prognosis and fights valiantly to spend more time with his family, but dies of cancer during the COVID pandemic. COVID deaths dominate the media, but cancer continues to claim lives.

Grief, grief, and more grief. All grief hurts, and the current pandemic deeply impacts how people live, die, and grieve. Who could predict so much death—over half of a million deaths in this country alone—due to SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID-19 disease? In the United States, COVID deaths now exceed mortality rates due to other causes. Whether someone dies of COVID or another cause, this pandemic affects the mourning and grieving of all deaths. This coronavirus impacts specific aspects of grief: anticipatory, disenfranchised, and complicated.

Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief offers the chance to acknowledge and gradually adjust to the upcoming loss and grief. For example, a terminally ill person and his family might prepare emotionally and logistically for the inevitable death. In contrast, COVID-19 robs people of time for anticipatory grief, as the disease may suddenly progress from cold symptoms to dangerously low oxygen levels, sometimes resulting in ventilator dependence and death before diagnosis.

COVID-imposed restrictions also impair anticipatory grief. With multiple household gatherings discouraged, extended families cannot gather at the bedside as their loved one dies. How can traditional rituals surrounding death and dying be implemented in the midst of shutdowns and quarantines?

Disenfranchised Grief

Kenneth Doka, a death education and counseling expert for over 30 years, wrote the book that defines disenfranchised grief as “not socially sanctioned, openly acknowledged, or publicly mourned.” The COVID-19 pandemic contributes to these aspects of disenfranchisement. Efforts to prevent virus transmission curtail or even prohibit public expressions of community grief or rituals focused on the dying family member. What about the sorrow and guilt people experience when they cannot host visitations, wakes, reviewals, or other mourning traditions to honor their deceased loved ones? Large funerals and food-serving receptions are viewed as virus-spreading events instead of valued as comforting family reunions. Funerals and memorial services are indefinitely postponed until after the pandemic, depriving mourners of public acknowledgment and spiritual community as they grieve alone.

Complicated Grief

What aspects of COVID disease and deaths have not complicated the process of grieving?! Whereas complicated grief used to be an ill-defined term in the clinical context, now Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder (PCBD), categorizes complicated grief in the most recent Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5). Whether COVID-related emotional trauma persists and propels a person’s complicated grief into a PCBD diagnosis might not be evident until after the pandemic.

Dismembered Grief

The COVID pandemic may prevent anticipatory grief, result in disenfranchised grief, and further complicate grief. I call these pandemic effects dismembered grief, because COVID-related restrictions separate grieving people from their loved ones, cut off emotional and spiritual supports, and deprive loved ones of time together, both before and after death. Grieving during this time can feel lonely and disjointed. Socialization limitations, travel quarantines, solitary living, separation mandates, in-person events moved online—all of these lifestyle changes lead to what I identify as dismembered grief during the coronavirus chaos.

Comfort in Grief

How do we comfort those who grieve during this pandemic? In my experience, when grief interfered with eating, sleeping, and much of my life, I relied on others for emotional, physical, and spiritual support. These seven ideas help acknowledge, comfort, and support a grieving person, during this pandemic and beyond:

  • mention their loved one’s name
  • listen to them talk about their loved one
  • write them an encouraging note
  • talk/write about a memory of their loved one
  • drop off a meal
  • offer to help with one task: e.g. household chore, errand, event
  • ask what you can do for/with their kids: take them on an outing, give rides, teach them a skill, etc.

Helping with a specific task, or just sitting with a grieving person, provides more connection and assistance in an overwhelming situation than a vague offer of “call me if you need something.” The shock and trauma of a loved one’s death may block any ability to reach out for help. COVID-19 restrictions require creative problem-solving, but safe and relevant help will decrease the isolation of grief.

Note: If you are grieving, consider joining an online grief support group (e.g. GriefShare). For specific grief resources, contact your local faith community, counseling center, hospice program, or funeral home.

[Originally posted March 2021]

Filed Under: coronavirus Tagged With: anticipatory grief, complicated grief, coronavirus, COVID-19, disenfranchised grief, dismembered grief, grief, GriefShare, pandemic

March 30, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

A Christmas Gift of Morning Glory

After being on lockdown for months, relegated to working and living in her apartment during coronavirus chaos, she decided to buy some seeds in April of 2020. A packet of morning glory seeds brought a creative gardening spark to her little home. She filled terracotta pots with potting soil, pushed seeds into black dirt, and positioned pots on the window ledge. Having escaped the northern winters, she knew there would be no cold air in this urban apartment window. Frost layers did not surround the lower window edges. No cold breezes leaked around the window frame. In this southern climate, her plants did not face frost danger. She did not miss that northern chill; instead, she enjoyed the warmth and sunshine of this new climate.

The new job took her thousands of miles south of her previous position, which also meant leaving family and friends behind. Her arrival in the southern climate timed with the simultaneous COVID lockdown of that state in mid-March of 2020. Nine months later, she still works solely from home, conferences online with her team, and has not met her boss in-person. With restaurants and museums closed, she postpones her exploration of new surroundings. She joined a church and other online groups, but meeting people and making new friends remains a big challenge given the COVID restrictions.

For the first time in her quarter century of life, she could not spend Christmas with family or friends. Knowing that she could not see them in person, she arranged online get-togethers. She zoomed, skyped and Duo-phoned for virtual visits with family and friends. This pandemic Christmas proved to be strange and unique—definitely one to be remembered.

She loved her apartment. The new job offered great challenges and new experiences, although COVID restrictions resulted in different job responsibilities from the original posting. Although grateful for an enjoyable, steady job, she longed to explore and make new friends in the area, pursuing those positive aspects of a cross-country move that she had anticipated. And being so far from loved ones with no option of travel felt heart-wrenching at times, despite the new adventures of this pandemic season.

Rounding the corner into her living room that Christmas morning, a purple color on the window ledge caught her eye. She ran over and looked. There in one of the flower pots bloomed a symmetrical five-point star in gorgeous shades of purple. A morning glory had blossomed into full flower overnight.

A Christmas morning glory! An exquisite gift from the Creator Himself, sent on the anniversary of His son’s birth. In the midst of her solitude, God displayed His creative beauty. Just as God personally and miraculously entered that stable millennia ago, and later placed a large star in the Eastern sky, he now surprised one of His children with a beautiful star in her apartment window.

Lord God, let the beauty of your creation be recognized as your gift of love to those who seek you. In this season of remembering Christ’s birth, may people all over this world be drawn to you. Let those who seek, find answers in your Word. May they recognize your provision and protection in everything from small flowers to big miracles in the midst of COVID disease, pandemic lockdowns, and coronavirus chaos. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

[Originally posted December 2020]

Filed Under: coronavirus Tagged With: Christmas, coronavirus, COVID-19, morning glory, pandemic

March 30, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Coronavirus Chaos as God’s Reorg

March, 2020. Coronavirus chaos. COVID-19-related lockdown. A pandemic that stopped everything. No people to see or places to go. No stuff to do. My calendar of activities blanked out. A reorganization of everything in my life.

God, is this pandemic part of your plan?! Shouldn’t I be going, doing, meeting, etc.? Aren’t those activities the work you planned for me to do?

Photo by Jonathan Cooper/Unsplash

What an inopportune time for this to be happening. So I thought seven months ago when coronavirus chaos set in and the COVID-19 lockdown began. After moving to a new community, my husband and I involved ourselves in a church—really involved, as in four nights a week, some daytime commitments, occasional extra activities. In our previous town, we lived within a mile of our church. From our rural home, we drive 25 minutes for church, groceries, or anything. Until COVID-19 stopped our schedule.

God, what can I possibly learn from being stuck at home?! Yes, I am grateful to be healthy, but now what?

As an extrovert, this is not my lifestyle. I miss people! Especially kids. This is an empty-nester isolation sentence: no Sunday school to teach, no youth group to help, no kids in our neighborhood. I could be doing something important.

God, this is like a painful reorg! You took my current life’s org chart and wiped out the connected boxes.

A reorg (reorganization) happens in order to restructure an organization for growth, efficiency, expansion—or even reduction. The goal is to maximize the company’s resources, strategies, and people for improved outcomes. When you work at the bottom of the chart, as I often have, a new org chart brings surprises. Where did people go? Who am I stuck with on my team? Why can’t I be on the other side with that person/team/salary? What happened to the higher-ups that I trust?

God, I don’t like this coronavirus reorg. Why did you have to shake-up my life?

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

Dear Lord, let me submit to your reorg of my life, my activities, my schedule, and my networks. I may not like the disconnections or the uprooting, but teach me to submit. Convict me where I need to be convicted, and turn my selfish heart away from sinful attitudes and actions. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:6-9

Dear Lord, I feel trapped, unproductive, and frustrated. Forgive me for my bad attitude and reluctance to learn. Forgive me for taking my health for granted when so many are ill and dying. A contemplative attitude and reflection are tough for me. Please help me to focus on studying your Word, following your guidance, and obeying you. Change my priorities and pursuits to align with your ways. Your will be done. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:7-8

[Originally posted October 2020]

Filed Under: coronavirus Tagged With: coronavirus, COVID-19, empty nest, ministry, pandemic, prayer, reorg

March 29, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Quarantine Quandaries from a First-World Perspective

Pandemic perspectives. Quarantine quandaries. First-world focus. Coronavirus chaos. My first-world problems seem far removed from current real-world issues of risks, illness, and death in the face of COVID-19.

With our grocery-shopping limited to once every two weeks, why do the chips, trail mix, and snacks disappear within days of our trip into town?! (We no longer have teenagers in the house to blame.) Despite our agreement to limit shopping, my husband often thinks of food that he wants to buy. Right now. I revert to lessons I taught my kids on needs versus wants.

As I learn to live with my shaggy hair with exposed gray patches, my husband desperately threatens to take the dog clippers to his hair. Neither of us suffers. No dog clipper wounds or food fights ensue. Our needs for food, water, and shelter are met with abundance. We continue to shelter-in-place under Minnesota’s 5+ weeks of COVID-19 mandates. God teaches me contentment and helps refocus my priorities.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

A first-world problem has little significance in comparison to life and death outcomes regularly faced by people in different situations. COVID-19 is not limited to impoverished, non-industrialized nations; this pandemic breaks all worldly barriers. Even in our first-world setting, the novel coronavirus continues its unpredictable rampage across the United States. As Minnesota cases trend upward, the pandemic slowly marches on toward our remote Minnesota county. Our lives under coronavirus quarantine seem like first-world luxury compared to others who directly confront COVID-19 illness and death. We hesitantly admit that we currently live as outsiders to COVID-19’s catastrophic effects, but we gratefully acknowledge God’s protection and provision during this coronavirus chaos.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:13-15

What about the stress of first responders, who suspect COVID-19 in every household, on every call? How do the medical and ancillary staff on COVID-19 units face the virus at every turn, every patient, and in every decision? What is it like to battle coronavirus as a patient, seeking medical care, leaving loved ones behind, and being alone during emergency treatment or death?

And what about secondary losses not related to illness? The economic fallout of job loss, interrupted income streams, business failure, and inability to pay bills remains to be tallied. The future implications and outcomes of this pandemic seem overwhelming. May God give me perspective and a prayerful heart for others regarding this coronavirus chaos that I do not understand.

We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3

So my complaints about lockdown, being stuck in the northern woods of Minnesota, and eating too much seem shallow and inane. May God use this time to draw me—and all of His children—to Him. As wise Sue from my Bible study said, this time of quarantine helps us to recognize what we miss most. She encouraged us to prayerfully confess any idolatry and ask God to show us the basis of our identity.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

Lord, please use this time to purify me from my biased, first-world perspective. Please purge anything that keeps me from growing in you. Prepare all of us for what lies ahead, and help us to entrust our future to you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

[Originally posted April 2020]

Filed Under: coronavirus Tagged With: coronavirus, COVID-19, first-world, lockdown, pandemic, prayer

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