Kristina Lunde

The Lord is my strength and my song.
Psalm 118:14a

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October 31, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Two Widows, Two Sons and One Powerful God

Written across two testaments by two writers, the resurrections in 1 Kings 17:17-24 and Luke 7:11-17 share similarities in their accounts of two widows, two sons, and one powerful God.

In the Old Testament account of 1 Kings 17:17-24, the prophet Elijah knew the widow and her son well. The widow of Zarephath and her son experienced God’s miracle of provision in their destitute situation (1 Kings 17:7-16). As a recipient of the widow’s hospitality, Elijah stayed in their upper room during much of the drought. In Luke 7:11-17, Jesus came upon a procession with a widow, her dead son, and a large crowd from the town of Nain. Although a seemingly random encounter, Luke records Jesus’ response to the widow as “his heart went out to her” (Luke 7:13). Each widows’ heartache and poverty would have been obvious in her community. In their cultures, the fatherless son was designated as his widowed mother’s caretaker, with the expectation that he would work and provide for her.

As a prophet, Elijah had a reputation for speaking God’s Word and being an instrument for God’s miracles. When the widow of Zarephath’s only beloved son died, Elijah grabbed the body. He ran up to his room, laid the child on his bed, and cried out to God in prayer. In contrast, the Luke account begins as Jesus walks through Galilee with his entourage of disciples and a large crowd. Luke 6 describes how Jesus chose his disciples, healed people of diseases, and preached to the crowds. Until then, in all of His miracles, Jesus had never yet resurrected anyone from the dead.

Image by Falco on Pixabay

The settings may vary, but similarities exist across these accounts. Elijah prayed and God resurrected the widow’s son. Jesus, in full kingdom authority, resurrected the deceased man, speaking words of life. “Young man, I say to you, get up!” Both sons came back to life. Elijah witnessed God’s miracle of resurrection, whereas Jesus Himself performed the miracle. Elijah and Jesus each presented the resurrected sons to their widowed mothers.

Both miracles demonstrated God’s power over death. A grieving and questioning Elijah experienced God’s compassionate miracle for the widow of Zarephath after her son died. In the town of Nain, a large local crowd, twelve disciples, and the crowd following Jesus through Galilee witnessed Jesus’ miracle of resurrection. Although both towns are mentioned in these resurrection accounts, neither the widows nor their sons are mentioned by name.

Where is the follow-up information? I want to hear about those unnamed sons: one young boy and one young man. Their resurrected lives shone as enduring reminders of God’s resurrection power. Did the young boy grow up and become a baker in Zarephath who told his story to all of his customers? Were people compelled to turn from Baal to God as they witnessed God’s compassion and miraculous life-giving power?

Did the widow in Nain recount God’s miracles of provision through the resurrection of her grown son? Jesus’ first miracle of resurrection demonstrated His compassion for the widows and fatherless, while undeniably demonstrating Messiah’s authority. Did the Nain community later recognize that the resurrection of the widow’s son foreshadowed the Messiah Jesus’ resurrection?

God intervened with His compassion and almighty power for the unnamed widows in 1 Kings 17 and Luke 7. These two widows experienced the omnipotent power of God, as He miraculously raised their respective sons from the dead.

Filed Under: Bible study Tagged With: Elijah, Jesus, miracle, resurrection, widow

May 25, 2022 by Kristina Lunde 1 Comment

The Sadiversary: A Grief Milestone

Sadiversary sounds like an anniversary, but instead of a celebratory event, the grieving person commemorates the date their loved one died. Sometimes that date may loom large and foreboding, as you fear falling apart in a fresh new way. Or, you may have expectations and hopes of closure and peace. As usual in the grieving process, your response will be as unique and individual as your relationship with your loved one. With some planning and preparation, the sadiversary can become a memorable grief milestone. Here are some thoughts to help you recognize the truth of your situation and prepare for the sadiversary in emotional, logistical, and spiritual ways.

Sadiversary Truths

In anticipating the first sadiversary, recognize that you have spent a year acknowledging and dealing with your loved one’s death. This may be yet another grief challenge, but recognize all the sorrow that you have processed and coped with already. The truth is, you already faced many painful days of grief in those early weeks after your loved one died, and you will get through this one, too. Sadly, there is no award—no prize or recognition—for your survival of one year of grief. Most people will not remember that day of death, the day when your loved one’s life ended and your life changed forever.

Please take heart. The sadiversary is a grieving milestone, a marker on your journey through mourning, sorrow, acceptance, and adjustment. Someday it will not hurt like this, as my mother promised me. A widow at age 36, my mother raised three children on her own and knew what I faced. My mother told me of writing a check once, when she suddenly recognized the date as the day of my father’s deadly plane crash years earlier. Instead of a grief ambush, she felt surprised that it was just an average, normal day. Such healing seems impossible when grief is so fresh and painful, but God’s comfort and healing continues, long after that first year.

Emotional: Be Gentle with Yourself

Please be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself time and space to grieve on the sadiversary. Remember and honor your loved one in whatever way is best for you. By now, you will know what that looks like. For example, look through photos, read letters, watch videos, or play music. Be by yourself or find emotional support reminiscing with others who also loved this person. Or plan both solitary and group activities for that day. This might be a sad time, but recognize how far you have come in terms of grieving and living life again.

Logistics: Make a Plan

Make a plan so that the day doesn’t stretch out in dread before you or get filled with so many work projects that you have no time to reflect. Schedule something in honor of your loved one. My six-year-old son decided that our family should go on a bike ride for the first sadiversary, because Daddy liked to bike. My kids chose the route, biking back and forth to the house of family friends. As my little guy rode his “big-boy bike,” from which Daddy had recently removed the training wheels, I fought back tears. I recognized my son’s determination to honor Daddy as those little legs churned round and round at the pedals, a total of over nine miles that day.

Schedule something you enjoy, like an outdoor activity, a restaurant outing, or a concert—whatever makes you smile. My in-laws spent sadiversaries eating out at a Mexican restaurant, my husband’s favorite cuisine. The people you choose to spend time with do not need to know about the occasion. After I moved and my husband had been gone for years, I often scheduled sadiversary events with girlfriends. They had no idea about the significance of the date and had never met my husband, but I enjoyed having a planned activity.

Spiritual: Trust God

Recognize and remember what God has done for you in this past year of mourning and sorrow. Reflecting on your early grief may elicit pain again, but you can truly appreciate how God has comforted you. How did God encourage you? Provide for you? Remind you of His love? Help you grow in your faith? Speak to you through His word? Pray and thank God for His comfort. Read God’s Word and ask Him to guide you into the next phase of your life. Spend time writing your reflections down. You may identify progress that you did not recognize before. Trust God for His healing.

As you acknowledge this loss and honor the deceased, this sadiversary may be a grief milestone that propels you forward. May God use this day to remind you of His love for you.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 NIV

Filed Under: Grief Tagged With: grief, sadiversary, trust, widow

March 31, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

Widowed Parent Challenge: Join Your Child’s Play

Photo by LaterJay on Pixabay

Dear Widowed Parent,

Your world turned upside down, inside out, ripped apart—anything but normal. The support of a parenting partner feels so far away. Or maybe, life with your spouse and co-parent seems as close as yesterday. Whatever the reason, timing, or other aspects of your spouse’s death, you now parent alone. In widowed terms, you became an only parent. The single aspect did not occur by choice or acceptance; there is no child support or weekend relief. The death of your loved one relegated you to the rank of only parent. Precious parent, whose life has been seared by death and grief, try to enter into your child’s world of play. For those of you in the trenches of only-parenting, I offer this advice in the form of a challenge: join your children in the joy of their play and allow yourself to be temporarily distracted from your grief.

Kids & Grief

For children, grief comes in stages that progress along with the the child’s development. At age eleven when my father died in a plane crash, my initial grief focused only on the present. I felt sad for my Dad, because he would never find out that our dog failed to pass obedience training on the night of the plane crash. My childhood brain could not imagine future sorrows. As I grew older, grief revisited me during events in middle school: my first band concert, getting braces, and confirmation. As a child, much of my life remained to be experienced, so the absence of my dad caused new waves of grief whenever I grew and changed. Only later when my own children grieved, did I realize how my grief had changed through the years as my child-centered awareness of the world expanded.

One surprising aspect of children’s grief is their ability to transition in and out of grief. Adults often find this disconcerting, as children may seem unaffected by the death. For example, at their father’s funeral, my sad children became excited to see friends and relatives. They bounced back and forth between family members, collecting hugs and attention during the somber service. As an adult, I felt numb and shocked as I zombied through the funeral and reception. While adults understand and mourn the implications of a person’s death, a child cannot. This protective mechanism, whether due to situational filtering or developmental distractibility, provides a necessary respite for a grieving child. My children may have felt sadness at conversations about Daddy’s death, but at the funeral reception, they ran outside to play with friends. In contrast, the adults remained inside, unable to focus on anything but death and loss.

Join Your Child’s Play

A wise widower recommended that I play with my children as they played. Months after my husband died, as I lay crying with suicidal thoughts, I remembered that widower’s advice. I forced myself out of my room, determined to spend time with my kids. My six-year-old son Ben sat at the piano practicing, so I joined him on the piano bench. He soon had me laughing, which distracted me from my grief and pain. Ben had the ability to bring joy to the situation, a blessing I recognized as a gift from God.

Of course my grief persisted, but I resolved to purposefully enter my children’s world of play. I learned to join them in the joy of their play, experiencing a refreshing break from the reality of my widowed life and the ongoing grief. A child’s play is their creative laboratory, a safe place for them to experiment and learn about their world. Consider it a privilege to enter a child’s play for a glimpse of their perspective. My favorite play activity became our afternoon sessions of jumping on the trampoline. The usual game featured my two kids versus me in the “Let’s bounce Mom higher” contest. That is not a game you can play with a straight face or while crying. We often dropped onto our backs in giggles, relaxing as we let the trampoline bounce us back to stability.

My Prayer for You

My dear widowed parent, please consider my challenge to join your child as they experience joy in their play. I pray that God will give you opportunities and insight on how to play with your children. May our precious God provide a reprieve in your grief and help you savor time with your children in whatever activities they enjoy. I pray for God’s blessings on you: beauty for ashes, His oil of joy for your mourning, and His garment of praise for your despairing spirit. May our dear Lord plant you securely in His righteousness as you process your grief.

God’s Grief Therapy

And provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:3 NIV

[Originally posted January 2022]

Filed Under: Grief, Parenting Tagged With: child's play, grief, grieving children, letter, parenting, play, prayer, widow, widowed parent

March 30, 2022 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

My River of Sorrow as an Audiobook

Now available as an audiobook:

Kristina Lunde’s memoir,

entitled My River of Sorrow: A Widow’s Journey with God.

Cover Image by Sergey Peterman

This all-American story of true love, sudden death, and authentic faith involves Lee, a golden California boy who becomes an Air Force fighter pilot, and Tina, a Midwestern girl turned Air Force nurse. Their lives are tragically interrupted when husband and father of two, Lee, dies suddenly. By the grace of God, and with church and community support, Lee’s family continues on without him. Previously believing that the biggest challenge in her life was her own father’s sudden death when she was a child, Tina realizes that God miraculously prepared her for this worst-case scenario of widowhood. With friends, family, and church support, as well as much-needed antidepressants and therapy, this widow faces grief and battles hopelessness. The narrative chronicles how Tina takes her pain straight to the throne of God and how the Lord of heaven answers prayers, needs, and sorrow with His grace, provision, and humor. This account reads like a novel, but only God can orchestrate a life story like this one.
[Originally posted July 2021]

Filed Under: Books Tagged With: book, grief, memoir, trust, widow

December 31, 2019 by Kristina Lunde Leave a Comment

From My Widowed Experience to Yours: 10 Suggestions for New Widows

To those who are newly widowed, I pray for God’s help as you process the pain of grief. Here are some suggestions that helped me cope with the most difficult experience of my life, when I became a widow with young children.

1. Breathe deeply. Eat healthy, drink water, get fresh air, exercise. Remind yourself of these basics, because your world has crashed in. Care for your body; your mind is working overtime to process everything.

2. The video loop in your mind will stop. Fifteen years ago, I did CPR on my husband when he died of a sudden heart attack. As that video looped in my mind, I beat myself up mentally for what I could have/should have done. Just as I lived through it, know that your video loop will stop. Until then, see #1.

3. Stop criticizing yourself. You did the best that you could do under the circumstances. Talking with the coroner may help explain what happened and ease your mind. The outcome remains upsetting, and the why questions may never be answered completely, but it helps to know the facts.

4. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. complicate grief. They may provide temporary pleasure or distraction, but they won’t deal with the underlying problem. One widow got drunk every night for 8 months; afterward, she still had to face her grief.

5. Face your grief. Stuffing, ignoring, or drowning it out does not help you process your pain or maintain your mental health. Deal with your grief and work through it. There is no shame in getting help from a trusted counselor or grief group to process your grief. GriefShare helped me; sign up for their daily emails of encouragement or their support groups. Grief is a mental, emotional, and spiritual process that ultimately will be worth working through. Until then, it stinks.

6. Write down memories of your spouse and ask others to do the same. Save them in a notebook. This is painful at first, but these memories will be treasured. This is meaningful to do as a family, especially with young children.

7. Ask for help. People don’t know how to help, so give them specific tasks when they offer. Think of things your spouse did that seem overwhelming or tasks that you normally do, but don’t have the energy to do now. Then ask one person to do one task. Keep asking those who offered.

8. Grief rewrites your address book. Surprisingly, new friends may step up to support you, but old friends may back off. Many people have no idea how to support someone whose loved one dies. Consider that people around you are also grieving; they may stay away to avoid their grief or because it hurts them to see you in pain.

9. Don’t let anyone rush you in decision-making, especially about sorting or giving away your spouse’s possessions. Grief fogs our minds. Wait one year before making big decisions was advice my mom got when my dad died at age thirty-five. Decades later, that advice helped me to wait before moving across the country with my kids.

10. Processing your grief will challenge you mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. You love your spouse, and this a huge adjustment. His/her sudden absence takes time for your mind to understand completely. I had a lot of emotions; my therapist told me to “Take it to God, because He is big enough to handle it.” Working things through—and expressing my anger to God—helped me find comfort and understanding. A life-changing event like this can deepen your character. That outcome is long-term and hard to imagine now, so go back to #1 as needed.

For more details on my story, see the memoir My River of Sorrow and Memorial Stones, the sequel that describes what I learned through grief.

See my previous posts to grieving children, a new widower, a famous widow, and to my late husband.

Filed Under: Grief Tagged With: grief, support group, widow

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