terminally ill Archives - Kristina Lunde

Dear B___,

Thinking about you today and praying that God will be with you every step of this new journey through grief as a widower. I pray that God will be with you in all the tough realities you face today:

Waking up to an empty room with the big hospital bed gone. A painful routine it has been, with that big hospital bed and the adjustment to E____’s decreasing strength as she stayed in bed longer and longer. But you adjusted, and you worked so hard to keep her spirits up and her body working as she lay in that bed. May God give you the assurance that you did everything possible to help E____.

Your main job is finished. You washed and lifted, carried and helped. You served her with such love and care, offering an intimacy that spoke volumes of love and support as she wrestled emotionally with letting you do things for her. May God let you know that you did His work in amazing ways. Now it is time to rest, grieve, and let God comfort you.

Coming home with to the empty house. Maybe you listened for noises of her breathing—even those snoring respirations would be a comfort right now. There are no more visits from the caring hospice staff. I pray that God will ease the quiet and give you His comforting peace.

Seeing reminders of her everywhere. My prayer is that you see more and more of the precious reminders and less of the hospital accessories that remind you of E____’s illness. May God refresh your sweet memories of E____ as He eases the reminders of her suffering.

Thank you for loving E____ and being such a great husband to her. You were her humor, strength, and caretaker. What an incredible blessing you were to her as she faced the cancer!

Praying for you.

P.S. Check out www.griefshare.org to sign up for daily emails of encouragement and comfort as you grieve.

My mother’s best friend and prayer partner, Ruth, battled breast cancer for years. When the cancer invaded her bones, Ruth’s army of prayer warriors beseeched God to slay the dreaded disease. For many years God miraculously subdued Ruth’s cancer and pain as she continued to write, teach, counsel, and minister for His glory.

My prayers for Ruth were admittedly often fear-based rather than faith based. I could not imagine such a strong woman of God being overpowered and her ministry silenced by this horrendous cancer. As when my mother was on hospice, I frequently hesitated to pray for healing, for fear that God would answer with His ultimate healing. Our loved ones are welcomed into heaven and live eternally pain-free, but those of us left behind have to cope without them. (No, God, that’s not what I meant! I wanted you to heal her here and now – for us.) My selfish desire for them to be healthy here on earth does not always match up with God’s plan for them, and I am left to grieve the difference.

When I asked God how to pray for Ruth, He gave me a prayer mnemonic that I now use for anyone facing the end of their earthly life. These are the four Rs for Ruth:

1. Relief of pain

May God grant wisdom to everyone involved in decision-making as the focus shifts from medical cure to palliative care. May the pain be miraculously eased by God’s power and provision throughout the remaining hours/days/months of life.

2. Rest and sleep

In the midst of pain and illness, may God give sweet sleep and rest.

3. Relationship with spouse/family

In the time warp of illness and pain, may God shower this couple/family with precious intimacy as their earthly time together draws to a close.

4. Reconciliation

May God orchestrate time schedules, travel arrangements, and interactions as family and friends come to say goodbye. May God’s peace and emotional healing provide closure to relationships.

Lord, teach us to pray, even when our loved one’s ultimate healing leaves us grieving.

[Originally posted March 2015]

Letter to a New Widower

Praying for the Terminally Ill: Four Rs for Ruth

1. Relief of pain

2. Rest and sleep

3. Relationship with spouse/family

4. Reconciliation