infertility Archives - Kristina Lunde

Dear Modern Mama,

Abram and I began our lives together in Ur of the Chaldeans (on your map, southern Iraq). I had no idea what adventures, travels, and trials awaited us in our marriage! From Ur, we traveled to Haran (i.e. southeastern Turkey), where God spoke to my husband. That is where our journey of trusting God began.

Abram changed after God spoke those prophetic words. God promised to make my husband into a great nation, bless him, and make him a blessing to others. God prophesied that Abram’s name would be great, and all peoples on earth would be blessed through him. All that for my husband, the nomad! I dreaded moving again, but I agreed with Abraham’s commitment to follow God’s directions. This time, we traveled to Canaan (i.e. Israel and Jordan). All that travel left us exhausted: no roads, no vehicles, and, imagine this, no air conditioning!

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Our arrival in Canaan came during the big famine, so Abram decided to take us to Egypt. His big scheme in Egypt made me uncomfortable from the beginning. Abram feared that because of my beauty, he risked being killed. He chose to lie to everyone, telling them that I was his sister, not his wife. That did not help me because, separated from my dear husband, I ended up in a harem not knowing if Abram stayed safe. That scared me! Suddenly plagues affected Pharaoh and his household. (Note: the Exodus plagues happened hundreds of years later when our descendants were Egyptian slaves.) When Pharaoh confronted Abram about the awful plagues, Abram told the truth about me. I thought Abram and I would both be killed, but thankfully, we got sent away and we returned to Canaan.

Children are everything in my culture: joy, purpose, household help, work force, retirement plan, status symbol, and more. Infertility bothered me so much in those first decades, even though traveling seemed easier without the challenges of parenting. God’s covenant with Abram promised as many descendants as the stars in the sky. I ached to bear children those first decades of waiting, but I aged-out of having a family. I assumed that Abram’s nation would not happen through me, because I never got pregnant. In Genesis 16-18, you will read how trusting God was hard for me: I doubted God’s plan and made sinful choices, trying to find a way to bring children into our family. After I realized my sin, I doubted that God loved me enough to give me the privilege of bearing and raising children.

Please read my story for yourself and learn the lessons that took me almost a century to understand: God is faithful and He always fulfills His plans. Expect challenges along the way as God builds your faith and teaches you to trust Him. For me, trusting God involved travels along dusty roads, multiple international moves, and almost three-quarters of a century of infertility. Abram and I experienced tent living, an Egyptian king’s hospitality, and then expulsion from Egypt. I often felt both frustration while submitting to my husband and resentment at my infertility.

One important truth that I learned: God’s perspective is very different—much bigger and grander—than my personal viewpoint. Please learn this from my experience: do not doubt or underestimate God’s plans. I admit that my response to God’s plan included disobedience, disbelief, and laughter. God called my husband into a covenant for all generations and times. God also changed our names to Abraham and Sarah, which confirmed the prophecy that we would be the father and mother of nations. When the angels visited, my own ears heard the prophecy that Abraham and I would become parents. I laughed and doubted, but it happened within a year, just as God promised.

The miracle of Isaac’s birth meant that I had a part in the covenant. These events filled my heart more than I could have hoped or imagined. Following God is not boring or fruitless, but neither is it easy or predictable. God’s plan made my suffering worthwhile. Keep trusting God through whatever travels and trials happen in your life. Don’t be like me and spend decades disbelieving God’s plan! Obeying God is the best and most fulfilling adventure you can pursue.

Love to you from this ancient mama,
Sarah

Hey Modern Mama,
Greetings to you from this mama of a wild child, from long ago, back in Bible times. You won’t find my name in the Bible, not at all. I am only referred to as Manoah’s wife, but he loved and respected me. Even so, infertility made me feel insignificant and inferior, because I could not fulfill the role I dreamed of: to be a mother. Your situation likely varies, but back in my time, we had no idea why or how to deal with infertility.

One day as I worked, an angel of the Lord came to me and verified that I could not have a child. He called me “barren.” (Oh, how I hate that word!) Perhaps there are aspects of infertility that hurt you emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. Please know that God hears your pain and can comfort you through the challenges of infertility. Maybe an angel will not come to you—it only happened to a few infertile women in the Bible—but God does hear your heart’s cry.

This angel of the Lord prophesied that I would have a son. Unreal and hard to believe, but somehow I trusted his words as true. Then he gave me pregnancy care instructions—how strange for a man to know about that! You have medical experts, books, and even Google, but we only get advice from the women in our tribe. Those instructions about taking care of myself during pregnancy meant that from the beginning, our son would be dedicated to God. The angel said that our son would deliver us from the Philistines, our oppressive rulers. This son would not only deliver Manoah and me from infertility, but deliver our tribe and our people. What exciting news!

As often happens, what we expected as parents differed from God’s plan for our son. Our Samson, an unexpected gift from God, certainly surprised us in many ways. Calm, compliant, rule-following—none of those aspects described our Samson! He came out of the womb large and in charge. From day one, the strength on that kid amazed us. And what a challenge for Manoah and me to train, discipline, and correct our wild child! We wondered if Samson would ever learn to control his impulsive nature.

Maybe you have a wild child and wonder how and why God blessed you that way. I found myself saying the same things over and over—for decades:
“Can’t you be kind? Can’t you be patient?”
“Samson, stop swinging that rock/stick/table above your head!”
“You beat up the neighborhood kids—again?!”

Manoah and I reminded ourselves that Samson was God’s child, dedicated to God, and created with characteristics for God’s purposes. Please appreciate the child God gave you, instead of comparing him to your friends’ kids. I made that mistake a lot and finally realized my need to rely on God for parenting help and guidance. God knew best how to prepare Samson for the future, and He helped us train Samson. No matter how discouraged I became raising Samson, I knew that God would prepare Samson for his God-ordained job. God’s plan for Samson ultimately affected others—even our nation—in ways that extended far beyond just Manoah and me.

For you parents of wild children growing into wild adults, I could add stories of Samson’s gambling, womanizing, murder, etc. All those nice Israelite girls—but instead, Samson chose nagging, sleazy, heathen women. Let me just say that God may use your children in ways that do not make sense to you. God is not concerned about our desire to have compliant kids who reflect well on our family. Being stewards of our children means recognizing when to let them go and trusting God to work in their lives. For you helicopter parents, realize that we have to let go of what we think is best for our children. I had to learn and relearn how to entrust my child to God. Even after Samson grew up, I had to remind myself to let go of my dreams for my son.

Check out my story in Judges 13-16 to read how God used my wild child to accomplish His sovereign plan in our country. My Samson, despite his bad decisions, hot temper, impulsive acts, gambling habit, womanizing, and multiple murders, accomplished God’s purposes in surprising ways.

May God teach you how to love your wild child and to recognize that God loves your child even more than you do. May God encourage you in your parenting, today and always.

Love from Samson’s Mama

(Designed to encourage tired mamas, this parenting advice is written using sarcastic humor to reflect on a biblical family’s narrative. Please read Judges 13-16 and study the account of Samson for yourself. In no way do I intend to misinterpret or misuse biblical passages.)
[Originally posted September 2021]

Sarah: Trusting God through Travels and Trials

Parenting Advice for the Mama of a Wild Child